Daylight Saving Time: Meta Edition

As I mentioned the last time we all irrationally “advanced” our clocks, it has become as boring for me to recap the predictable DST/Standard Time outcries of tired parents as it is for tired parents to deal with their wailing and/or wide-awake children. After about the 30th submission in which parents denounced the absolute idiocy and sheer TYRANNY of practicing DST in modern day society, I finally buckled. Yes, it actually is pretty stupid. Fine, your kids are annoying you, and I’m sympathetic, because I’m worn down from the woe is mom chatter. Woe is blogger. I is woeful. 

BUT, I still think today’s “Spring forward” installment is amusing. Check out the passive-aggressive status shuffle that took place between Ellen and her friend Brittany. First, Ellen’s update:

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UP TOP, Ellen! I hear that, sister! Just check out this post, this post, and this post for an illustrated guide to being annoyed with DST/Standard Time complaints. It’s a loop of complaining — me complaining about parents complaining about the time shift — but in all honesty, that loop doesn’t even touch this meta response from good-natured Brittany:

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ZING. It’s as simple as that. Here’s what submitter Ellen had to say:

"Woke up this morning to my news feed flooded with parents whining about losing an hour of sleep, and how kids just don’t understand. Woe is them! To which I posted my status. I’m also a parent btw. Brittany posts her status shortly following. Thought it was a laugh that she contradicts herself, if she’s annoyed by my status, then she can simply stay off FB herself.”

Okay, so it’s not a FACT that Brittany’s update was in response to Ellen’s, but I think it’s a fair assumption. To which I say: Can’t we all just hate each other on Facebook in peace?! How hard is that, people?? Let’s accept that none of us can freaking stand each other so we can finally make some goddamn social media progress. Maybe if everyone would band together and agree on this sad fact, we’d stop complaining about the complaining and just, you know, hide 95% of our friends’ feeds or something. 

But until that happens, I’ll be posting about parents like Brittany who are *just* sassy and exhausted enough to make passive-aggressive, humorless status update retorts about The Hour That Got Away and The Friends Who Can Take Their Opinions And Shove Them. It’s as simple as that.

(submitted by Ellen)

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Woe Is Mom - DST Round-Up

Because this is a topic I’ve covered several times now, I’m going to open with what I wrote a year ago, followed by this weekend’s submissions:

Every 6 months or so, we all participate in the archaic act of resetting our clocks for some such farming business. And every time we do that, the parents of the world get on Facebook to complain. I do understand it; this isn’t one of those times where I’m harshly judging the Woe Is Mom quotient. Rather, I feel like a documentarian of sorts. The pattern is undeniable, and because it continues to happen over and over again, all I can do is laugh and share the submissions I receive with you guys. 

And thus, it has been said: Abolish Daylight Saving Time! Do away with this oppression! Children are crying, parents are tired, and only like 6% of the population are farmers! Time is a human construct! GAHHHHHH.

Wait, so first it’s, “Screw you, DST,” and now it’s, “Screw you, everyone who doesn’t have kids”? Yes, it’s true that many people who don’t have kids are excited about DST (I guess), but I can’t figure out if Blue here is being sarcastic or just plain passive-aggressive. She sounds like she’s typing in purgatory.

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Woe Is Mom: Stuff Parents Can’t Do

This week on Mommyish, I wrote about some things you can’t do once you’re a parent, be it because you’re a woe is mom, or because your friends are know-it-all assholes, or just because society tells you so. I’m kind of fascinated with this subject, because we see it a lot on the blog. Parents (and especially moms) can’t go on vacation, or read a book, or take a day off simply because they’re parents. There’s a combination of forces at play, some of which are self-imposed and some of which stem from outside forces telling parents they should tend to their children 24/7, because anything else is subpar.

This has had an almost comedic effect on status updates, as parents try to "impress" their friends with tales of their no-fun, risk-free lives being moms and dads. Many parents exaggerate how devoted they are to their children to the point of casting judgment on people whose lives don’t revolve around their kids, or they openly wallow in the misery that is their daily life (until they remind everybody that they’ve never been happier). The see-saw of emotions parents feel is normal, but some people really take it to the extreme. And that’s what today’s post is all about. Here are five things you should forget about doing once you’re a parent, according to Facebook: 

1. Go On Dates

Date night??? HA HA, WHAT’S THAT? Don’t make these moms punch you in the face laugh! The only "date night" any married couple should be taking is to the Fairfield Inn Marriott suites to make a baby! Besides, who wants to take “me” time or “us” time when the whole point of having a baby is to SPEND TIME WITH IT?!? Like, hello, enjoy your family! All the time! Isn’t that when you’re most relaxed? Isn’t that when you feel the most content with your life choices? If the answer is no, then you’ve got maaaaaajor problems. 

2. Make An Orange Julius

:( :( :( :( No Orange Julius for Nikki. :( The wee ones need their sleep more than Nikki needs a delicious beverage, so she’ll have to go without. Just like all those times she refrained from blow drying her hair, using the microwave, or cutting her toenails as the perfect angels slept. It’s a sacrifice, but it’s what moms have to do…

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