I get a kick out of petty parent hysterics, especially when the ire is directed at people who don’t “acknowledge” children. We’ve seen a few examples of this before, but I thought it would be fun to read several submissions in a row just to really drive home the point.
It’s not that I don’t sympathize with parents for feeling pissed off that someone didn’t smile or wave back at their child; it’s just that I wonder why the sentiment must be shared online. Like I said in my Mommyish column this week, “One of the most important lessons parents will teach their kids is knowing when to choose their battles, so it strikes me as funny that some people choose to make “waving” a battle.” Oh, the hardships some overly sensitive parents must endure! Thank goodness there are outlets for them to communicate their woes. Let’s check out some (more) examples of this extreme injustice in our society:
1. Mommy Peeves
I don’t know what’s worse — taking the time to issue a formal statement on Facebook about smile/wave protocol, or talking in the third person and calling yourself “mommy.” It’s one thing to say, “mommy needs a vacation,” (I guess), but “mommy has a new pet peeve,” sounds like the complaint of a person who protests when there’s too much salt on her margarita glass. You can’t please a woman who says in all seriousness that her toddler “took the time out of her day” to smile at someone, as if her child paused an extremely busy afternoon of drooling, pooping, crying, and falling down to do someone else a massive favor. I didn’t realize smiling was such an undertaking.
2. Innocent Kindness
Man, does it burn me up when cranky assholes don’t take the time to say “hi” to a child whose enthusiasm and joy are like a solar panel, brightening everyone’s day wherever she goes. What kind of douchebag doesn’t recognize innocent kindness when it’s staring them in the face? It is TRAGIC that children have to grow up realizing that the world is crammed with rude monsters who deserve to be smacked upside the head with a shovel. Stupid ignorant bastards and their bad attitudes! At least those children can look to their sweet parents for guidance during trying times.
3. Grump-Faced People
This is like the time a grumpy cafe worker was accused of pure and simple ageism for “glowering” at a toddler (translation: “staring into space while bored at a low-paying job”). Maybe the “grump-faced people” in the industrial-carpeted business pictured above are just going about their day and don’t necessarily want to have a chat with a baby, no matter how cute her mother thinks she is. Where are they, anyway? The bank? The DMV? A place that sells industrial carpet? None of those places sound fun to me. I can manage to be cheerful when running errands, but not 100% of the time, particularly when there’s a baby crawling underfoot.
4. Stupid Bitches
Hey, you dumb bitch waitress, thanks for doing your job and all, but because you refused to acknowledge a child’s meaningful air kisses, you can forget about paying your power bill. You don’t even know an opportunity when it flutters out of a little boy’s hand and lands on the tip of your nose. Why would someone reward that kind of ignorance with money? Here’s a different kind of tip: Tell children they’re adorable or starve. Hope you enjoyed serving people who had every intention of tipping you, but more importantly, hope you learned a valuable lesson in etiquette. Next time you’ll find a note and a cute little boy’s drawing of the $5 bill you missed out on. He’s creative like that. Blam
To read more about crushing children’s spirits (and their parents’ spirits, too), check out my column on Mommyish!
(submitted by Anonymous)