Mom’s Gold Star

I thought about saving this for Easter next year, but then I realized that would be kind of morbid and depressing, so here ‘tis! My new favorite Fatal Attraction Mom’s Gold Star submission. (Also, the only Fatal Attraction Mom’s Gold Star submission.) I love the way the bunny is on its back and clearly appears in distress despite being a stuffed animal on a plastic stove. The rabbit may not really be cooking, but the overall sentiment is not lost. Particularly if this stuffed animal belongs to someone other than K.’s kids, at which point K. may have a slight problem on her hands. First the bunny dies, and after that things just spiral into chaos.

Congrats on winning this week’s Gold Star, K.! Your warped sense of humor is appreciated, as is your movie knowledge. Let us know if your kids ever recreate any scenes from American Psycho so I can hook them up with Adam’s kid.

(submitted by Anonymous)

This week on Mommyish, I get back to basics with a column about poop posting etiquette. (The first tip is, don’t post about poop.) Some parents - particularly those who change multiple diapers a day - could benefit from a guide that explains exactly what  constitutes overshare. I’ve noticed that a lot of parents who post about poop have selective reasoning, so while they agree that certain details shouldn’t be shared, they adamantly defend their own updates. “OK, photos are disgusting, but my baby pooped on the potty which is a huge milestone!” “Sorry but I *had* to tweet about how loud and smelly my baby’s poop was. I know posting about poop is gross, but this was insane.”  “I never though I would post about poop until I had kids, but now it’s like second nature! I don’t share pictures, just updates about stuff like constipation in case my friends have any advice.”

You know. Stuff like that. I occasionally hear it from parents who email me about removing their posts. Who could forget Caylan and her baby’s “organic poops”? I’ll always remember her email to me: “I would never post a picture of my kids naked.” As far as she was concerned, organic poop is Facebook friendly, but naked kids are a no-no. It was then that I realized that some people, even after being “caught” posting pictures of human excrement, will still defend their actions. How…weird. So today I rounded up a few pointers to reinforce just what people (other than similarly-minded parents) don’t want to know about your kid’s poop.

1. What It Looks Like

LMAO, poo is so funny! Snake poo, banana poo, sausage poo, pancake poo…when you’re a kid there are sooooo many varieties! And as a mom it is sooooo funny to document all the different shapes and animals and sizes! It’s a funny kid thing, but it’s funny to moms, too!!!

2. What It Smells Like

Ugh. Mark is a good example of why posting about something that comes out of your child’s ass is a terrible idea. Chris’s update was pungent on its own, but Mark just had to come along and steal the show with his Chunky Chicken Soup comparison. Good going, Mark. You win. 

Much like birthdays, which we recently learned now occur weekly and monthly as well as annually, graduation ceremonies are no longer the very special occasions that we once knew. In the past, many of us celebrated graduations from high school, college, and perhaps the step up from junior high to high school. It was something earned through years of hard work, exams, and developmental achievements. But now, graduation ceremonies are about as common as locker chandeliers.

Kids “graduate” from just about everything: diapers, preschool, LeapFrogs. It’s all pretty silly. Maybe if I had more confidence in the education system and the kids were “graduating” from preschool with extensive knowledge of C++ or macroeconomics, I’d feel differently. Maybe if a kid could predict the rise and fall of the Dow, I’d be more interested in watching him sing boring songs about sharing and trains. As it is now, I wonder why parents can’t just celebrate the end of a year/chapter and the beginning of a new one without all the fuss, themed parties, and caps and gowns. Kids don’t really care about that stuff; they just want to eat cake and go swimming. I didn’t have a big “graduation” from preschool and don’t remember giving it much thought. But then, that might be because I don’t remember it at all.

Lesson learned: It doesn’t really matter if you graduate from high school so long as you graduate from something. No matter what happens next year, Nevaeh will always be able to say that she graduated from kindergarten. No one can take that away from her! The road to scholastic success is paved with many diplomas.

(submitted by Anonymous)