This week on Mommyish, I wrote about one of my all-time favorite subjects: Parents who behave badly in public and then write about it on Facebook. It takes a special kind of person to not only act like a douche rocket in a restaurant, retail store, or waiting room with her child, but to also take the time to write about it on social media. That extra step is what separates the moms from the mombies, so to speak, and doing so results in automatic entry onto the STFU, Parents Wall of Shame.
Whether your friend has considered letting her kid poop on the floor at Dollar General, encouraged her kid to take a dump behind a gas station in a state of manic revenge, or just wanted the entire world to know that ANY flat, horizontal surface qualifies as a changing table for her baby, I’m interested in reading about it. And today, I present to you a motherload of submissions about this societal “trend.” Read my examples below, and then read about even more assholery over on Mommyish!
1. Your Only Option Is Your Only Option
I feel like skywriting “THANK YOU, SARA” over the Burger King parking lot in Wickenburg, AZ, if only because Sara deserves the recognition. Her comment should be printed and distributed on every table at every restaurant across America.
That said, if you look at the facts, there’s really not much else that Rebecca could have done. The supposedly family-friendly restaurant didn’t have changing tables, and well, that was Rebecca’s only real option. Sure, she has a car, but unfortunately her backseat is filled with car seats that have been set in cement and permanently anchored to the interior of her vehicle, the trunk is stuffed with luggage that’s been packed with heavy bricks, and her baby is too darn big for the front seat! What else was she supposed to do? Burger King is lucky she didn’t change her sweet gassy angel right there on the ordering counter!
Plus, hello people, don’t be so OCD. It’s just a little fecal residue. It’s probably healthier than what Burger King puts in its Whopper, if you think about it!
2. “Jobs” and “Other Customers”
Dear Teenage Light-haired Employee,
Taylor didn’t want to act like a cross between a mama bear and a ‘roided out pro-wrestler when she stopped in for lunch today. But unfortunately she was pushed to her limit after perceiving maaajor bimbocity when you told her that she could not change her son in the public dining area. What do you know, anyway? You’re a teenager. You don’t know what it’s like to be a mother with a stinky boy. You don’t know what it’s like to be told to drag a chair into the bathroom like some kind of shameful monster just for wanting to relieve a baby of his diaper dump.
Oh, and to cite a baby’s exposed penis as a reason not to change him in public? HA! Now THAT is funny! Sexualizing a baby??? That is incredibly messed up!! Go back to your “job” worrying about “health code violations” and “getting in trouble with your manager” and never speak to me or my child again!!