2013 Father’s Day Round-Up!

Ahh, another Sunday, another Parent Appreciation Holiday. This time around it’s Father’s Day, which gets celebrated on social media with an entirely different range of reactions than on Mother’s Day. On Mother’s Day, you’re a complete jerk if you don’t thank all the mamas (and all the mama’s mamas) for being selfless heroes, but on Father’s Day, anything goes! Newsfeeds become a smattering of “Love you!”s and “Fuck you!”s, and it’s perfectly acceptable to voice whichever “side” you’re on.

Don’t get me wrong, I know there are shitty dads out there. If there’s one thing daytime television has taught me, it’s that there are some dirty dog daddies in this world who would rather risk going to prison than pay child support or emotionally invest in their children. That said, it’s always a bit of a bummer when Father’s Day rolls around and social media turns into an “I hate my child’s father”-fest. And yet conversely, it’s equally annoying when people pile praise on their kid’s dad on Facebook, because it’s like, “Um, aren’t you guys sitting across the kitchen table from each other?” All in all, Father’s Day on social media is anything but one-note — if a little predictable. Let’s check out some dad-driven examples:

1. Cold Stone Love 

These two have a marriage filled with love, support, and sundaes. The good stuff. Scott’s comment may go down in history as my favorite sincere statement ever written on Facebook. It also made me kinda hungry.

2. The Thick Of It

If you post that something or someone is "covered in POOP!" (all caps), you shouldn’t follow it up with the expression “in the thick of it.” Also, I’m not really seeing what’s been so hectic about F.’s day? It’s just because she spilled tea all on her new carpet? Who buys brand new light-colored carpet with a young child at home who’s capable of exploding diarrhea everywhere and then gets concerned with a tea stain? 

3. Acknowledgement Peeves

SNOT! Everyone knows kids are a part of our community and are not "half-people," and yet they still get treated like second class citizens by restaurant servers. It’s outrageous! How many times do parents have to shout from the rafters Facebook, “Acknowledge our children or BE SHAMED!" before the general public wises up? And then for a server to not say "Happy Father’s Day" like some kind of MORON on top of ignoring a precious baby…well, that’s just unacceptable. There are certain things in a server’s job description that are non-negotiable — keeping water glasses full, bringing out food when it’s hot, smiling/waving/blowing kisses at adorable children — and it’s really sad that it’s the parents, not the restaurant managers, who have to point this stuff out.

4. Deadbeat Dads

Oh SNAP, Frank! Deadbeat Dads (<— awesome reality show concept) should start taking a back seat to deadbeat moms! Yeah! Right on! But until that happens, let’s all accept that there are some lazy motherfuckers who call themselves “fathers,” and those men need to be properly discussed/abused on a day like Father’s Day. Bring the celebration down a little, I say! Sure, it’s nice to sit around and talk about the Boy Scout dads and the Little League dads and the dads who have always been there for their kids, but let’s remember to pay homage to the deplorable dads, too. They deserve recognition and online hostility.

5. “Court Ordered” Weekends

This submission is from last year, and I’d like to say that I hope things have improved since then. When you’re talking about your ex’s “bedtime buddy” and putting legal terms like “court ordered” in “quotes” on Facebook, I feel as though I’ve reached Crazyville’s city limits. Granted, it’s not as bad as outfitting your kid in a shirt that says 'My Daddy SUCKS,' but it’s verging on the same territory.

6. MommiesJacking

Sarah, I don’t think anyone is forgetting the mommies who do double duty, but that’s why mothers have this special holiday called Mother’s Day. It happened a little over a month ago. Look into it!

7. There’s a Sign for That

Last but not least, and to really beat it into your heads that Father’s Day is a fine enough holiday for good dads, but is really total bullshit considering the number of women who raise their kids without any support, here’s the handy banner Sara posted for her friends:

It’s that last line that gets me. Positive reinforcement is important, but mommyjacking Father’s Day isn’t the answer. Remember, folks: It’s just another Sunday. Don’t let it go to your head. Buy yourselves some beer and a few pairs of socks and call it a day.

(submitted by Anonymous)

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