Well, it finally happened. I know I’ve mentioned it several times (or what may feel like 1000 times), but I wrote a book about parent overshare, and TODAY is the day it came out! After many months of laboring, I’ve given birth to the most darling little book you ever did see. Yes, I had a lotus birth, so right now it’s just me, my book baby, and my book baby’s nutrient-rich life source sitting in a bowl, passing the time. Seriously, if you’ve never given birth to a book, you cannot possibly understand the love I’m experiencing right now. Every time I look into my book baby’s
eyes pages, I burst out laugh-crying with joy. Such a sweet angel!
It took four years of blogging, over 15,000 submissions, and a dozen or so eye bleaches for us to get to this point — but before I tell you about the book and why you should buy it (especially since it comes with awesome temporary tattoos), allow me to say thanks to everyone who reads the blog and sends in submissions and comments on posts (and essentially inspired the book). It’s an honor to make you guys laugh and cringe, and I sincerely hope you’ll laugh and cringe your way through the book, too!
So — what will ordering this book do for your life? Well, if you’re a parent it’ll ensure that your friends won’t secretly hate you and/or send me screenshots of your overshare, because you’ll know better. If you’re expecting a baby, the book provides an excellent primer for what not to do once your uterus gets hard or your mucus plug passes or your "kitty kat" needs "trimmed hedges," and that formal education is — in my humble opinion — invaluable.
What if you don’t have kids (like me) and just want to laugh at annoying parents? Well, then, the STFU, Parents Book is perfect for you, you lazy, childless heathen! Not only will you think it’s funny, but you’ll have all the time in the world to read it. I mean, it’s not like you have any kids to bathe or lunches to pack! Join me, friends, in spreading the word that mommyjackers and sanctimommies DO exist, and that some information really shouldn’t be posted online.
Now, on to the extra fun part! If any of you fine people purchases (or has already purchased) this book — which would seriously make my whole LIFE — you can also receive a FREE signed bookplate (aka sticker/label that goes right inside the book) AND a FREE STFU, Parents temporary tattoo! I’m really excited about rolling out this “line” of tattoos, but for the book launch I’m offering to send one of the following three tattoos to you, with a signed bookplate, all for the cost of the STFU, Parents book! Check out the designs:
Mommyjacking, which can be sported by proud mommyjackers (aka jerks) OR people who want to spread the word about the trend that’s sweeping the nation:
Sanctimommy, which can be sported by proud sanctimommies (aka self-righteous douches) OR people who want to let sanctimommies know wsup:
And, of course, a cute li’l logo in a heart, because if there’s one word that comes to mind when I think of STFU, Parents, it’s adorable:
Aren’t they awesome, and more importantly, don’t you want one for free?? If the answer to those questions is YES, then all you have to do is send me an email at firstname.lastname@example.org and show me proof of buying the book. It can be an email receipt from an online retailer like Amazon, Penguin, Powell’s, B&N, Indiebound, Bookish, BAM, or Indigo, OR you can just scan/take a picture of your physical receipt after purchasing at an actual bookstore. (I myself plan to buy a copy or 30 at my local bookstore, Greenlight.) Just **email me with your receipt info and address, and I’ll be sure to send you a signed bookplate label and a tattoo over the next few weeks as a giant thank you!
With that said, if you’ve already purchased the book, I hope it finds a special place on your bookshelf / toilet seat / annoying coworker’s desk / in a baby shower gift basket. And if you haven’t already purchased a copy (also available on Kindle!) and you enjoy reading the blog, what are you waiting for?! This book was written for YOU, the readers of the blog, about our fancy made-up vocabulary and shared horrors. I feel like we’re in an anti-overshare club together, and this is our official handbook. (A handbook that doesn’t come with any placenta pictures, I should note.) I hope you’ll read the book, have some laughs, and then email me for a tattoo. (Here’s the Sanctimommy option on my hand.) And if you’re in NYC, come to the Book Shower tomorrow (Wednesday) night at Housing Works! (RSVP right here.) Thanks so much, guys!
**Please send me your receipt as well as the preferred address you’d like me to send the bookplate and tattoo.