This week on Mommyish, I get back to basics with a column about poop posting etiquette. (The first tip is, don’t post about poop.) Some parents - particularly those who change multiple diapers a day - could benefit from a guide that explains exactly what constitutes overshare. I’ve noticed that a lot of parents who post about poop have selective reasoning, so while they agree that certain details shouldn’t be shared, they adamantly defend their own updates. “OK, photos are disgusting, but my baby pooped on the potty which is a huge milestone!” “Sorry but I *had* to tweet about how loud and smelly my baby’s poop was. I know posting about poop is gross, but this was insane.” “I never though I would post about poop until I had kids, but now it’s like second nature! I don’t share pictures, just updates about stuff like constipation in case my friends have any advice.”
You know. Stuff like that. I occasionally hear it from parents who email me about removing their posts. Who could forget Caylan and her baby’s “organic poops”? I’ll always remember her email to me: “I would never post a picture of my kids naked.” As far as she was concerned, organic poop is Facebook friendly, but naked kids are a no-no. It was then that I realized that some people, even after being “caught” posting pictures of human excrement, will still defend their actions. How…weird. So today I rounded up a few pointers to reinforce just what people (other than similarly-minded parents) don’t want to know about your kid’s poop.
1. What It Looks Like
LMAO, poo is so funny! Snake poo, banana poo, sausage poo, pancake poo…when you’re a kid there are sooooo many varieties! And as a mom it is sooooo funny to document all the different shapes and animals and sizes! It’s a funny kid thing, but it’s funny to moms, too!!!
2. What It Smells Like
Ugh. Mark is a good example of why posting about something that comes out of your child’s ass is a terrible idea. Chris’s update was pungent on its own, but Mark just had to come along and steal the show with his Chunky Chicken Soup comparison. Good going, Mark. You win.
3. That You Wore It
Tee hee. :) Lindsey’s just sayin that she doesn’t have time to worry about the little things like poop on her clothes because duh, she’s a mom. If you don’t get that, well, it’s a mom thing! Except…here’s what I wonder: Isn’t posting about having newborn poop on your clothes for several hours sort of like posting about accumulating a bag full of snot rags on the couch when you’re sick? Like, we’ve all been there. Shit, and snot, happens. The difference is that some of us keep our nasty habits to ourselves while others brag about it on Facebook like some kind of poop martyr. It’s not a good look, and I mean that both literally and figuratively.
4. That Your Dog Ate It
What is it with people posting about their dogs eating their children’s shit? This topic must never get old for parents, because I’ve got “my dog ate my kid’s diaper” submissions coming out of my…well, you know. Let’s just say they’re common submissions. Kind of like submissions about dogs eating umbilical cord stumps. Shocking, I know. A dog eating whatever disgusting morsel it finds on the ground, can you imagine?!
5. That Your Kid Ate It
This submission has it all - poop finger-sucking, light humor, dude humor, frightened humor… it’s a grab bag of responses to one of the nastier stories we’ve seen on the blog. There’s something about Jessica’s oblivion that really adds to the story. Usually we hear about parents “catching” their kids eating poop after being in another room briefly, but in this case Jessica was just zoning out reading an article or a blog or Pinterest until BAM! Poop was being “swirled around” on her own hand. Eww. Keep that shit to yourself, Jessica.
For more examples about poop posting etiquette, check out my column on Mommyish! The similarities are frankly a little disturbing.
(submitted by Anonymous)