MommyJacking: Know-It-Alls Edition

This week on Mommyish, I talk about know-it-all parents on Facebook. This topic is a long time coming, because it’s a particular type of mommyjacking that annoys parents and non-parents alike. Unsolicited advice is irritating no matter what a person is being “advised” to do, but it’s especially annoying when it’s advice being doled out by “helpful” parents on Facebook.

What is it about some people that causes them to interject and act sanctimonious when there’s nothing to be sanctimonious about? It’s a daunting prospect. A person posts an innocent update and then suddenly she’s getting an earful from a member of the Parenting Hall Monitor Association. Like most mommyjacking sub-categories, it’s not always something that can be predicted. It can, however, give you a pretty good idea of who your friends are. Let’s check out some examples.

1. Lactivists

Kathy needs to pull the breast pump out of her ass and stop acting like a shrew. The onesie is a joke, and whether Izzie is breastfeeding and ‘pumping and dumping’ or isn’t breastfeeding at all is really none of Kathy’s business. Sugar-coating the condescension with “yummy Mama milky" takes this comment to baby talk heights of obnoxiousness. I’ve yet to see anything more annoying than an adult who talks like a toddler on the Internet.

2. One-Two Punch

I’m not sure why Caryn’s comment posted twice (four minutes apart), but it goes to show that you shouldn’t act like the SVP of Seatbelt Safety on Facebook. Once was kind of bitchy. Twice makes you sound like a lunatic. I understand why people get so concerned about seatbelt safety, but there are flight attendants whose job it is to pay attention to such things. Bringing it up makes you look like an asshole.

3. Rules and Exceptions

Ugh, Blue, take your attitude back to "Leave It to Beaver."  

4. P.O.B.

Doris sounds extra desperate in her comment, like she’s been bombarded into a shame corner by “friends” who don’t know how to politely message a person off the record. Yes, that baby looks like he’s about to have himself a little crib-climbing adventure, but I think that’s pretty plain to see. It certainly doesn’t need to be noted by multiple people in bitchy “Hear, Hear!!” fashion. Erin needs to take a step back for real. “Yep I agree with Mary.” translates to, “Yep, I’m as superior as Mary, so I agree with her.”

Thanks for the tips, gals! What would Doris do without you?! Oh, I know: Not question her taste in friends or her role as a parent. Right! 

Check out my column on Mommyish to read more about mommyjacking know-it-alls. There’s a pretty awesome Dad’s Gold Star plus several other excellent examples! 

(submitted by Anonymous)

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