This week on Mommyish, I peel back the layers on a subject that I don’t often post about on the blog: circumcision. (Yes, I have an obsession with terrible puns.) We all enjoyed the submission about the Intactivist Dad, but aside from that post and this one from 2009, I haven’t talked much about the controversial, yet common, snip-snip procedure. But recently I was inspired to do so when I received this:
Am I the only person who doesn’t want to know that Christine’s 8-day-old son is well-hung? Reading that made me rethink my stance on posting circumcision submissions. While I don’t want to force my opinions on others, especially about something that’s been medically deemed an issue of personal preference, I do want to assert myself and say that there’s a difference between posting about your son’s bris (e.g. “Today we are having a bris for our son!”) and joking about the size of your infant son’s penis as observed by a mohel. I understand wanting to post that information on Facebook as a big “ha ha,” but it’s actually kind of weird and better left to the post-bris party over bagels and lox. Even Seinfeld didn’t make that joke, which goes to show that it’s patently TMI, not to mention mere steps away from posting something like this.
After taking all of this into account, I realized that I actually have several circumcision submissions in my files that contain details I don’t want to know, like this:
"(which is not a options)" <— I’m trying not to make any "language butchery" jokes here, which is difficult. But I will say this: If you’re going to chop the foreskin off a baby’s penis, at least give some consideration to the facts. Here are a few of them:
- If your baby does not medically fit the description of a candidate for circumcision, that’s okay.
- Chicks don’t really care. Penises are funny-looking whether they have “extra” skin or not. You could bedazzle a penis after dip-dyeing it to create an ombre effect and it would still be an awkward appendage whose name comes from the Latin word for “tail.” (I’m assuming gay men don’t care that much either, but I could be wrong!)
- Boys’ penises do not have to “look like their Daddy’s.” Every time someone says that I have to take a shot of whiskey to numb my brain. (The same strategy applies to the thought that “uncircumcised penises are harder to clean.”)
- Finally, I don’t really care what parents decide to do regarding circumcision, but let’s try not to sound ignorant about the process. Yes, a local anesthetic cream is used during the procedure, but c’mon, your kid is going to feel something.
Danielle “Braydensmommy” has some dim friends, and that is my final reason not to post about circumcision on social media sites. Even if you’re not posting any pictures or describing the size of your baby’s wang, there are so many morons with so many opinions, and Facebook isn’t the place to be sharing those opinions. As I say on Mommyish using yet another terrible pun, circumcision is a very sensitive subject and therefore one that should remain offline. Don’t refrain from posting about it for you or your friends — do it for your son. Trust me, he’ll tell the world all about his penis when he’s ready.
Check out my Mommyish column right here. It includes an interesting debate that finally breaks a dude named Roger who also appreciates ridiculous puns. Go, Roger!
Related: Boy Parts TMI Round-Up
(submitted by Anonymous)