Lots of people have been sending me viral pumpkin birth pictures, so in the spirit of Halloween, I’ve decided to post them here. The first one that started floating around the internet looks like this:

Really, there are too many special touches to name. The pumpkin seed tears sweat. The frighteningly brittle pubic hair made of hay. The shower cap (in case her head explodes? THAT would be messy.). All in all it’s a creative effort that I shall not deny.

But you know what makes the internet awesome? It’s not photos like this. It’s the competition mompetition that’s inspired by photos like this! You KNOW that home birth advocates can’t be having some flat-on-her-back pumpkin birth photo traveling around the web without a “natural” accompaniment! Screw this ’50s gourd mama! Her parts may be organic, but her methodology SUCKS. At least, according to one doula who created this (lighthearted, I’m assuming) response:

I know what you’re thinking: “But where’s the example of this all-natural pumpkin mother breastfeeding her baby pumpkin after it’s born, huh? WHERE IS IT????” Well, fear not. This crafty doula’s got you covered:

At this point I’m just waiting for Martha Stewart to dedicate a show to recreating hospital and home births with vegetables for every season - and then how to prepare and eat those vegetables! Tomato “placenta” soup, anyone? YUM! 

FYI: I’ll be posting another “pumpkin submissions round-up” sometime between today and Halloween, but none will include awkward breasts that sit above shoulders or hay hair. Thankfully. 

Related: BEST BIRTH EVER!!!

(submitted by: about a million people - thanks, guys!)