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The Person I Hate Most This Very Minute

I know this image is small, and normally I wouldn’t even run an image so small on the blog (even though you can click to enlarge), but hot damn I hate this woman.

“We got our daughter a CUTE gelding pony because we thought she’d like it. What little girl doesn’t want a miniature pony?! We were sure she would. And she does like him! Buuuut she’s only three years old, and you know how little girls change what they want from one day to the next. One day it’s a small pony and the next day it’s a cruise around the Mediterranean and then the next day it’s a 4-wheeler! Talk about exhausting! We can hardly keep up with our princess and her fickle taste.

So here we have a beautiful castrated horse that is very gentle and available for purchase to the next person who manages to scrape together $300 (plus $100 for the saddle). OR, give us $150 and a coupon to IHOP. OR, give us $75, a coupon to IHOP, a letter explaining why my daughter is the most precious and rambunctious 4-wheel-loving spark plug you never did meet, and an autographed picture of Miley Cyrus (our daughter LOVES her), and then her little gelding can be all yours! Or perhaps even your own daughter’s pony! If so, hopefully she’ll take to it longer than our daughter did LOL. Call me!”

Related: More Spoiled Brats and this recent Craigslist ad via Reddit (since apparently this is a “thing”)

(submitted by a reader who does not use Craigslist to “shop” for under-appreciated and adorable miniature ponies that never did nuthin’ to nobody)

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Story Hour

Wow. This is like some stream-of-consciousness Kanye West shit. Her story has a beginning, a middle and an end, but it all seems to run together. There are traces of Woe Is Mom, but it’s more than that; it’s talking about giving your kid 2 big-ass candy apples in a row, while subtly blaming him for being hungry, while not-so-subtly giving yourself an Awesome Mom Badge for “doing the right thing” by relinquishing your special treat for your child. But since when did giving your kid 2 big-ass candy apples in a row become doing the right thing?

Yes, children have to eat. I myself learned a hard lesson in keeping things alive when I had an unfortunate “incident” with a hamster at a young age. Living things require food. But either this kid woke up from his nap starving and is eating candy apples to survive, or this mom is freakin’ nuts and just gives her kid anything he wants. Something tells me he’s not too far from, well, this. I pity his future teachers.

(submitted by Anonymous)

Don’t you just love how Mommy and Me Time is now entirely synonymous with luxury goods and services? It seems like ages ago that ‘Mommy and Me’ was associated with tea parties and baking. Now it’s all about pedicures (“pedis” if you’re down), expensive haircuts, and stylish designer clothing that the kid is going to outgrow before she learns how to use the potty. It’s as if every little girl has to have the Suri Cruise lifestyle. And not only that, but everyone is supposed to think this level of pampering is absolutely adorable, because Burberry makes the CUTEST shoes for tots.

Blech. Just stop it already. Your kid has a lifetime to become a spoiled bitch. Don’t push her into it, for chrissakes. Take her to the park or something. Push her down the slide. At the very least stop bragging.

(submitted by Anonymous)