P.O.B. - “No Kids Allowed” Edition

We all know that kids are a part of our community and should be treated with respect and fairness. Discrimination against children is a heinous crime, especially when it involves three little words: No Kids Allowed. Saying “no kids allowed” is the rule equivalent of slapping parents in the face. It’s commonly accepted by people, even people who disagree with it, because oh, wahhh, we have to let the couple who’s getting married have their wittle way. Mr. and Mrs. So-and-So-To-Be are assclowns who don’t want children at their wedding because children are “loud” and “messy” and “they can’t afford to have kids at the reception” and blah blah blah, and then what happens? The couple send out invitations that say “Please come to our wedding but leave your treasure of a baby at home because we are spoiled tyrants who condemn children and won’t have them at our fancy party.”  And then everyone just nods and smiles and checks the box that says “Yes, I accept your total disregard of my extremely awesome child" and doesn’t say anything about it, even though it is blatant discrimination. And the couple basically get away with slapping their friends right across the face. 

I mean think about it: You’re supposed to get your friends a gift in exchange for attending their wedding (or even just being invited to it), but somehow they’re not responsible for paying for your babysitter? How the hell does that work? It’d only be logical. OR, they could just rent an extra tent, a bounce house, some chaperones, and maybe set up a little “bartender” station with organic fruit smoothies (now how cute would that be?) near the reception so that moms and dads wouldn’t have to be far away from their little ones. Sure, it’d still be exclusionary as all hell, but it would be a start. As it is now, people get away with this “No Kids Allowed” policy far too much, and it’s doing real damage. Families are becoming divided. Cousins are missing out on registry goods from Pier 1 Imports. And all the while, everyone acts as if “No Kids Allowed” is perfectly normal. Well, it’s not. Just ask Nicolle and her friends.

Related: Wedding Crashers, "Adult’s Only" Reception, and The Knot Facebook Page

(submitted by Anonymous)

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P.O.B. - Culture Wars Edition

Here’s what bothers me about Pink’s update: While I completely understand why some people don’t like their children being touched - from women who have like five teeth to "drunk ladies" to random people at the mall - expressing some kind of cultural bias while simultaneously demonstrating cultural ignorance is not a very good idea. In fact, I’d say it’s a pretty terrible idea, and also a stupid one. If you want to keep your child wrapped in plastic, by all means, go for it. If you want to adorn her with a bright pink sign that says, “Don’t Touch Me Or My Mom Flips Out,” that would probably prevent it from happening as often. But ultimately, parents need to get over this shit and move on. It’s not worth the stress, headache, and Facebook drama (particularly when a person begins to sound like a prejudiced snob). Plus, believe it or not, “Chinese restaurant worker germs” are no worse than all the other germs and baceteria a child is exposed to and/or consumes on a daily basis.

But what gets me the most is the way parents joke about their kids eating their own poop, or eating dog food, or whatever, and yet “Chinese restaurant workers” are going to transmit some kind of virus? Give me a break. If you have a problem with people touching your child, fine, but there’s no need to bring the “type” of person into the equation, unless of course it’s because you’re acknowledging a cultural difference.

What-what-whaaaatttt??? A NOSE RING? No freaking way. And Amy - the chicken butt joke, for reals? On MICKEY MOUSE CLUBHOUSE? You’ve gotta be shitting me. This is an outrage!! What is our world coming to? First some kind of Indian-American type woman character is allowed on children’s television with a nose ring, and then you’re telling me the chicken butt joke was endorsed by Goofy of all people?! Ugh. Abominable. And couldn’t the producers of the prolific cartoon Sesame Street have at least ensured that this woman’s character didn’t wear a pig nose ring? It’s one thing to wear a tiny plain diamond or a sapphire or a rare geode or something, but an ugly, protruding, and highly attention-seeking style like a pig ring? GUH-ROSS. Children shouldn’t be exposed to cultural diversity so young - that is a proven FACT. Sesame Street and America have royally screwed this one up.

(submitted by Anonymous)

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Angry Parents

Of all the signs that civilization is moving in the wrong direction, parents using their children’s poop as a weapon might just be the surest. I don’t care who you are or why you’re wielding shit to prove a point — as far as I’m concerned, you’re fucking crazy. No one should be “punished” with excrement, in any way, ever, but if you’re going to “ding dong ditch” a person (and you’re over the age of twelve), you better have a REALLY good reason, and I don’t mean, “A stranger looked like a retard and hugged the line of a parking space.” 

I honestly can’t imagine the reaction that dude is going to have when he opens up his toolbox and discovers rancid feces deposited by a psychotic mother inside. He might throw up. Or maybe that’s just what I would do, right before trying to determine who the hell would go through with such a smelly act of revenge. I mean, I’ve never even thought about leaving a pile of crap in someone’s toolbox, but if I did, it would be a passing thought, not a calculated one. I certainly wouldn’t be so impressed with myself that I felt the need to brag about it on Facebook. But then, I’m not in the habit of patting myself on the back for screwing up someone else’s day.

Hey Kristen, I don’t know if you realize it, but you sound like a HUGE ASSHOLE when you write in ALL CAPS that IT SERVES A PERSON RIGHT when s/he crashes on a bike in front of you and you do nothing at all to help. No one really cares whether or not you have “a problem” with motorcycles; the fact of the matter is that you’re a terrible person. On the highway of life, there are many lessons to be learned. It seems that you have yet to learn many of them. 

Related: More Angry Parents

PS: Today marks the one-year anniversary of the death of Osama bin Laden. Commemorate by reading last year’s ridiculous posts: IIIIIIIVVVIVIIVIII

(submitted by Anonymous)

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