Mama Drama: Asses On Blast Edition

This submission is proof that you can add “ass” onto the end of a LOT of words for emphasis and it’s not the world’s worst thing. Especially if you’re trying to prove a FUCKEN point to a bunch of pathetic-ass bitches. Jiana is TWENTY-THREE years old and that means she can do alot [sic] of things, like drive, vote, and HAVE A BABY. She’s responsible for her own choices! She doesn’t need unnecessary judgment from nosy-ass bitches, because it’s none of THEIR FUCKEN BUSINESS!

It is precisely this attitude that will fuel Jiana’s transformation from an angry, childless ADULT to a rabid, stroller-wielding mama bear. The juices are flowing, so to speak. Like Michael J. Fox in “Teen Wolf,” she won’t know the full potential of her powers until she lets the beast out (either by giving birth OR by surfing atop a van while listening to the Beach Boys). After that happens, WATCH OUT! Because she will put your ass on blast. And y’all know what that means. (If not, Yvonne will clear it up for you!) 

Related: “Permanent” Babysitter

(submitted by Anonymous)

Mama Facebook Drama: Annoying Behavior Edition

Ha ha, Facebook thinks Windie is annoying?! Well, maybe Facebook’s employees should take a long, hard look in over 3000 mirrors because it is THEY who are annoying. They’re the ones who should be receiving pop-ups with nasty insults about engaging n some kind of irritating behavior. Do they even know how much their users hate the new-new-new-new-new Facebook? A LOT.

And do they listen 2 people when they update their statuses with cries of, “This new Facebook sucks ass!” or “Hey, Facebook, how about you sit on my smart phone and spin, bitchez?!?” NO. Facebook doesn’t listen 2 anybody. And do you want 2 know why? It’s because Facebook is 2 busy accusing perfectly nice, normal people like Windie of annoying behavior. How ironic, rite?!? It’s frigging b.s. n IT’S NOT GOING 2 STOP WINDIE FROM TAGGING BEAUTIFUL CHILDREN!!! Grrr them FB people!!! :) EVIL!!!! :)

Related: NAKED MAN! and MY KIDS ARE ME NOW 

(submitted by Anonymous)

Mama Drama: Suggestions/Tips/Advise Edition

All aboard the crazy train! Jordan’s conducting and she doesn’t want any unsolicited backseat driving or advise!!! (And to those reading, u know who I’m talkin bout!) Jordan is a momzilla who eats bridezillas for lunch. She’s the queen of all “zillas.” I suppose it’s because she’s an imperious landlord who’s already served two eviction notices to her dear son fetus, but really if you think about it she has EVERY RIGHT to be an absolute bitch to her friends. Why? Because they deserve to be humiliated for making stupid ass comments that Jordan didn’t ask for, that’s why!

Who wants to have friends all over their Facebook page making stupid ass comments and trying to be supportive and helpful? Do they think they’re giving advise anyone needs? Do they think Jordan hasn’t already tried having sex upside down while being fed fresh pineapple by a DJ playing booty music? SHE HAS. She has clearly stated that she’s done everything she can as a pregnant landlord to evict her dear unborn son!! It’s like nobody READS anymore! Tip #1: Don’t give suggestions when Jordan’s not asking, and Tip #2: If it’s not applicable to you, mind ur own business! SMH!

(submitted by Anonymous)