This week on Mommyish, I put together a distinguished display of absurd language butchery. We’ve seen plenty of language butchery on the blog before, but usually I don’t post round-ups because the submissions are so crazy all on their own. It takes a lot to process just one example of language butchery (like this one), that I figured processing several in one sitting would be asking too much. Plus, how could I expect you guys to read something like this in the same post as something like this and not have your heads explode? I couldn’t. So I made a pact with myself to never, ever hurt your brains like that for as long as I and this blog shall live.
But today, that pact has been broken. If any of your heads explode, I’ll never forgive myself, but in the interest of entertainment, here are some examples of updates that probably shouldn’t have been written (although I’m extremely glad that they were):
1. Fresh as fuck
Interpreting this exchange makes me feel like an old, bearded scholar. “Well, you see, A. doesn’t enjoy seeing parents who look more put-together than their children. The term “fresh as fuck” is referring to parents who own “flashy duds,” as opposed to their less flashy duds-wearing children. A. is saying that those parents are selfish, and she is disapproving of their immaturity. And C. is saying, “I whole-heartedly agree with your observations, A.! I, too, find those parents to be highly deplorable.”
2. Not Holding Back
Just once, I’d like a former colleague to leave a testimonial on my Linked In page that says, “she is a legend tho.” Ruth’s daughter’s quips are LEGENDARY, you guys. As in, going down in
Facebook history history. Think about what it takes to be a legend: personality, ambition, nonconformity. Ruth’s daughter Roisin has all of that.