Mother’s Day ‘12 - Fetus Edition

This is the final post of the day. As always, I try to save the best for last, and I consider a fetus’s Mother’s Day card to be a real gem of a submission, not to mention a telling sign of the times. The status update itself was written by the fetus’s grandmother, who is thrilled that her daughter received such a sweet note from her unborn baby still cookin’ in the womb. I mean, sure, Wendy wrote the card herself, but how thoughtful is that little “baby girl”? Pretty much the most thoughtful not-yet-fully-developed baby ever if you ask me!! 

This card symbolizes so much of what is right and wrong in this world. The pros are that Krista has a mom who loves her, a baby on the way who will be equally as loved, and a card that defies science and reason, which is impressive. The cons, however, are everything else. Facebook-ing fetuses, handwritten cards from cellular blobs…what are we even talking about at this point? I can only imagine what next year’s submissions will include. Will JibJab create “talking fetus” cards? Just upload your sonogram and your fetus will talk to you like a dog in a commercial or an elf around Christmas! Share it on Facebook! Make it dance to the Bee Gees! 

Smiley

Whatever happens, I’ll be here to document it. Thanks for spending this Mother’s Day with me, everyone! 

(submitted by Anonymous)

Posted on Sunday, May 13, 2012 in Holidays

Comments

::Click (twice) to enlarge:: Shitty Mother’s Day ‘12  I’m fairly certain the last comment in Blue was written by one of Pink’s adult friends, but I didn’t edit the names myself, and after reading submissions like this and this, I can’t really be sure. Either way, it’s an adult pretending to be a toddler, which I find just as odd - though not nearly as disgusting - as posting a picture of a kid sitting in a bed full of crap. I sort of understand the compulsion women have to make the “Look at the shitty gift my baby made me for Mother’s Day!” joke, but I’ll never understand the rationale behind posting the picture, too. There’s just no way to justify that. I don’t care if your kid writes “I Love You, Mommy” in shit on the wall next to her crib complete with a drawing of a bouquet of flowers. It’s not worth posting on Facebook. Yes, you’ll appeal to the lowest common denominator - other oversharing parents - but just because it’s a day of parental celebration doesn’t mean it’s also a day to rain down crap upon your friends. Most people, including parents, don’t care to see their friends’ babies sitting in their own excrement, even on holidays. Crazy but true. (submitted by Anonymous)

::Click (twice) to enlarge::

Shitty Mother’s Day ‘12 

I’m fairly certain the last comment in Blue was written by one of Pink’s adult friends, but I didn’t edit the names myself, and after reading submissions like this and this, I can’t really be sure. Either way, it’s an adult pretending to be a toddler, which I find just as odd - though not nearly as disgusting - as posting a picture of a kid sitting in a bed full of crap.

I sort of understand the compulsion women have to make the “Look at the shitty gift my baby made me for Mother’s Day!” joke, but I’ll never understand the rationale behind posting the picture, too. There’s just no way to justify that. I don’t care if your kid writes “I Love You, Mommy” in shit on the wall next to her crib complete with a drawing of a bouquet of flowers. It’s not worth posting on Facebook. Yes, you’ll appeal to the lowest common denominator - other oversharing parents - but just because it’s a day of parental celebration doesn’t mean it’s also a day to rain down crap upon your friends. Most people, including parents, don’t care to see their friends’ babies sitting in their own excrement, even on holidays. Crazy but true.

(submitted by Anonymous)

Posted on Sunday, May 13, 2012 in Holidays

Comments

Mother’s Day ‘12 Stacey kind of saves Andrew’s update, considering she could have come back with some schmoopy type comment and made me vomit all over my computer, but that still doesn’t excuse him from ridicule. I know he’s just trying to be funny and cute as a public display of affection for his wife on Mother’s Day, but seriously, stop it already with this stuff, people. I see so many couples, and specifically parents, having “romantic banter” in my newsfeed and I just want to tell them all to give it a rest. You’re married! Your friends believe that you love each other! You don’t need to share that love, or any intimate memories, on Facebook. You have nothing to prove. I think I speak for everyone else when I say, “We’re GOOD.” Whisper sweet nothings in your partner’s ear all you want; just don’t whisper them in ours, too. And please don’t use Facebook as a platform for your “cafeteria declarations,” either. That stuff only works in movies. Related: Making a Baby! ;) (submitted by Anonymous)

Mother’s Day ‘12

Stacey kind of saves Andrew’s update, considering she could have come back with some schmoopy type comment and made me vomit all over my computer, but that still doesn’t excuse him from ridicule. I know he’s just trying to be funny and cute as a public display of affection for his wife on Mother’s Day, but seriously, stop it already with this stuff, people. I see so many couples, and specifically parents, having “romantic banter” in my newsfeed and I just want to tell them all to give it a rest.

You’re married! Your friends believe that you love each other! You don’t need to share that love, or any intimate memories, on Facebook. You have nothing to prove. I think I speak for everyone else when I say, “We’re GOOD.” Whisper sweet nothings in your partner’s ear all you want; just don’t whisper them in ours, too. And please don’t use Facebook as a platform for your “cafeteria declarations,” either. That stuff only works in movies.

Related: Making a Baby! ;)

(submitted by Anonymous)

Posted on Sunday, May 13, 2012 in Holidays

Comments

search