Mama Drama: Coffee Talk Edition

This submission has so many layers, I almost don’t know where to begin. The first thing worth noting is that RNSH stands for Royal North Shore Hospital, located in Sydney, and Gloria Jean’s is a coffee shop chain (for those who might not know). So that could explain why the “little foreign man” inquired about Hayley’s extra shot of coffee. He probably sees pregnant women all day long who bitterly order 12 oz. decaf coffees for the sake of following the March of Dimes recommendation of consuming no more than 200 mg/day. In other words, yes, it sucks that pregnant women have dietary restrictions, but it’s typically a good idea to stick to them which anyone who works within a hospital probably knows. 

That being said, no one likes being told what to do, what to eat, how to drive, etc., especially a pregnant woman who suffers from Chronic Fatigue Syndrome as well as Severe Attitude Complex and Racist Tendency Disorder. Many CFS sufferers do tend to rely on coffee to get through the day, and I can understand Hayley’s desire to order an extra shot because she’s exhausted. But I also think the coffee shop worker was just covering his ass because he’s not used to serving “extra” amounts of caffeine to pregnant women. He doesn’t know what Hayley’s normal consumption level is, so he erred on the side of caution, which might even be protocol.

The main problem with Hayley’s update is her decision to disparage the man for being “little” and “foreign.” If she hadn’t said that, maybe it wouldn’t have sounded so awful. But since she did, she kind of opened herself up to criticism. There’s a difference in saying, “A lady was rude to me at the store,” versus saying, “A fat, ugly lesbian was rude to me at the store.” Once you put labels on others all bets are off, and if you post angry updates with offensive language on Facebook someone is bound to call you out. I’m just glad Lindsey left her coffee comment so I could take pleasure in reading Hayley’s retort about living life “by the textbook.” Oooooh! BURN. 

Related: More Coffee Talk

(submitted by Anonymous)

You know what sucks? That girls can’t grow up to be wives, mothers, AND college graduates. It’s just not possible! I don’t know why the Bible says it should be that way, but alas, that’s life!

Take Carrie’s kids, for instance. Even at the tender age of five, H. knows that she belongs at home with her children in the projected future. Or, more specifically, she knows she doesn’t want to attend college, which leads to things like jobs, careers, management roles that take women out of the home, travel…you know what I’m saying. College is a dead-end track. It only leads women to, well, working outside the home. And you can’t be the best wife and mother to your husband and children if you have any of that crap. Thankfully, H. knows that it’s best to make that choice well before she gets caught up in academia. Plus, college is BORING. Why bother getting your M.R.S. when you already know school isn’t for you? It’s expensive and pretty much useless. Just skip the higher education altogether and head straight for the wife and mother roles, I say! LOL :) Carrie must be one proud mama!

Related: Girls Who Want To Be Married, Barefoot, Pregnant and In The Kitchen and Litterally Called an Allowance

Also related: A Sheryl Sandberg talk that I link to all the time…spread the word! Ladies, don’t leave before you leave. 

(submitted by Anonymous)

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*The Big Day*

While I appreciate this mom-to-be’s honesty, nervousness and general feelings of vulnerability as her due date approaches, I would like nothing more than to repeatedly dunk her in a giant vat of hand sanitizer while laughing maniacally and singing songs from the Coneheads soundtrack. Her arrogance - though countered by over-the-top sweetness - comes through in every single one of her obnoxious “not-so duh” rules, and I’m having a hard time chalking it all up to “hormones.”

Assuming that anyone will actually want to see her after reading this list o’ demands is bold, but assuming that they’ll be interested in cooking, cleaning and generally kissing her ass is just plain delusional. If anything, I secretly (or “not-so secretly”) hope that one of her friends shows up in a hazmat suit and makes a big production out of the whole thing, handing her a delicious Selfish Bitchcake and a onesie for little m that says, ‘My Mommy Is a Worried Puddle of Mess’. 

The fact is, no one wants to visit a friend’s baby if the visit comes with a long list of rules so stringent that they take away from the joy of the occasion. No one wants to be told that “30-45 minutes is really plenty of time” to visit, especially since based on this chick’s attitude I’m guessing anything more than 4-5 minutes would be absolutely excruciating. It’s just not a good way to kick off this new phase in everyone’s life after “m” is born. Why didn’t she just post a status update that said, “The Mombie Apocalypse is upon us. Save yourselves!”? Would’ve been way shorter.

Related: Welcome Baby Liam Party and Baby Shower Gift, Hospital Gift and After-Home Baby Gift

(submitted by Anonymous)