::Click to enlarge:: Don’t go getting any ideas, ladies! This Greek God is taken! I’m surprised he didn’t pose shirtless, being a Titan and all. Such endurance Mark must possess, carrying that baby for nine long months! Haha, I kid. But really though, whenever I read about a pregnant woman ‘dropping,’ I think of this, and that’s never a good mental picture. Throw in this jackass and his Atlas pose on top of it, and I’m just confused all-around as to why this picture made it to Facebook. Funny? Yes. Awkward? Oh hell yes.  (submitted by Anonymous)

::Click to enlarge::

Don’t go getting any ideas, ladies! This Greek God is taken! I’m surprised he didn’t pose shirtless, being a Titan and all. Such endurance Mark must possess, carrying that baby for nine long months! Haha, I kid.

But really though, whenever I read about a pregnant woman ‘dropping,’ I think of this, and that’s never a good mental picture. Throw in this jackass and his Atlas pose on top of it, and I’m just confused all-around as to why this picture made it to Facebook. Funny? Yes. Awkward? Oh hell yes. 

(submitted by Anonymous)

Posted on Tuesday, March 20, 2012 in Bun In The Oven

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Sex Talk Contrary to a popular belief held by morons, having sex will not kill your unborn baby. It won’t kill your unborn baby if you’re full term, it won’t kill your unborn baby if you’re doing it in a waterfall, and it won’t kill your unborn baby if you hump ‘til the break of dawn. It just won’t. BUT! If people like Jessica continue to think such things, perhaps they will also begin to believe other absurd rumors with no basis in reality, like, “Having unsafe sex will lead to a full-body rash,” or, “Having unsafe sex will cause a person to go spontaneously blind.” You know, all those urban legends surrounding masturbation, except applied to the act of making a baby so that people like Jessica are less likely to, um, make them. At least, until they know that sex doesn’t kill a baby, which is one of the dumbest things I’ve ever heard. I’m not one of those people who likes to joke that “there should be a test people have to pass before becoming parents,” but if there was such a test doled out then I’d like to think the question, “Can you kill your baby by having sex?” would be on it. That and the classic “infinite loop” question, along with everything else that’s ever been on Yahoo! Answers. Not that I think Jessica has cruel intentions with her comment. If anything, I think she has the best intentions. She wants Mary’s baby to be healthy! She was merely offering a suggestion! She just doesn’t want Mary’s baby to be subjected to hard freaky rough sex, that’s all. How was she supposed to know that sex can induce labor? It’s not like she has a degree in Knowing Shit About Babies. Plus, how do we learn things? BY ASKING! Or, by making ridiculous public errors on Facebook and getting told we’re wrong by everyone we know. Either way, the truth - much like Mary’s baby - will come out.  And speaking of sex, this week’s Mommyish column is all about my thoughts on “slut-shaming” (and, tangentially, “body snarking”), and it can be read right here. It’s different from my other columns in that I somehow manage to yammer even longer than usual, which is really quite a feat. I talk about things like the way I feel when I post DNA test submissions and the comments depress me, and there’s also a submission involving a P.O.B. attacking Jessica Simpson for reasons other than her saying, “I’m such a blonde. It just doesn’t make sense for me to have dark hair.” Click over to Mommyish to check it out! Related: Doggy Style and Bow Chicka Bow Wow (submitted by Anonymous)

Sex Talk

Contrary to a popular belief held by morons, having sex will not kill your unborn baby. It won’t kill your unborn baby if you’re full term, it won’t kill your unborn baby if you’re doing it in a waterfall, and it won’t kill your unborn baby if you hump ‘til the break of dawn. It just won’t. BUT! If people like Jessica continue to think such things, perhaps they will also begin to believe other absurd rumors with no basis in reality, like, “Having unsafe sex will lead to a full-body rash,” or, “Having unsafe sex will cause a person to go spontaneously blind.” You know, all those urban legends surrounding masturbation, except applied to the act of making a baby so that people like Jessica are less likely to, um, make them. At least, until they know that sex doesn’t kill a baby, which is one of the dumbest things I’ve ever heard. I’m not one of those people who likes to joke that “there should be a test people have to pass before becoming parents,” but if there was such a test doled out then I’d like to think the question, “Can you kill your baby by having sex?” would be on it. That and the classic “infinite loop” question, along with everything else that’s ever been on Yahoo! Answers.

Not that I think Jessica has cruel intentions with her comment. If anything, I think she has the best intentions. She wants Mary’s baby to be healthy! She was merely offering a suggestion! She just doesn’t want Mary’s baby to be subjected to hard freaky rough sex, that’s all. How was she supposed to know that sex can induce labor? It’s not like she has a degree in Knowing Shit About Babies. Plus, how do we learn things? BY ASKING! Or, by making ridiculous public errors on Facebook and getting told we’re wrong by everyone we know. Either way, the truth - much like Mary’s baby - will come out. 

And speaking of sex, this week’s Mommyish column is all about my thoughts on “slut-shaming” (and, tangentially, “body snarking”), and it can be read right here. It’s different from my other columns in that I somehow manage to yammer even longer than usual, which is really quite a feat. I talk about things like the way I feel when I post DNA test submissions and the comments depress me, and there’s also a submission involving a P.O.B. attacking Jessica Simpson for reasons other than her saying, “I’m such a blonde. It just doesn’t make sense for me to have dark hair.” Click over to Mommyish to check it out!

Related: Doggy Style and Bow Chicka Bow Wow

(submitted by Anonymous)

Posted on Thursday, March 15, 2012 in Bun In The Oven

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Questionable Parenting

Keeping in the decades-old tradition of shining a spotlight on people who shouldn’t procreate, I present to you 21-year-old ‘J.’ J. is impatiently awaiting the results of her baby daddy DNA test, but she probably should of just tooken them sperm donors to Maury, cuz Maury tells it like it is. He doesn’t make people figure out any phone numbers to get their test results either lol. All they have to know is that they made and carried a baby. How hard can that be?

In the words of Jessica, “How come when you want to get pregnant it can never happen! But when you don’t want to be pregnant you are pregnant! What the hell!!!”

Right? How was L. supposed to know? And more importantly, how does she now know that she’s pregnant but still not know how far along she is? Having diz baby is so complicated.

Related: I PREG!!! and Paternity Test Party

(submitted by Anonymous)

Posted on Monday, March 05, 2012 in Bun In The Oven

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