This week on Mommyish, I stunk up the joint with some delightful bath poop submissions in an effort to bring awareness to this smelly posting practice. I don’t know about you guys, but to me “bath poop” sounds like a frightening oxymoron, and the less I know, the better. Am I disgusted by the mere thought of children shitting in the bath? Sure, but I can deal with it. If taken one step further, though, by reading long-winded descriptions and/or looking at photos, I start to feel a little pukey.

It’s not that I’m unaware that kids poop in the bath; I am aware, and I realize that it happens to the best of us (or something). What nauseates me is that for many parents, poop in the bath is an occasion, and therefore all the juicy details must be spilled on Facebook. (Ew.) They can’t just clean up the kid and the tub and call it a night. Nope. They must inform their friends that not only did their child poop today, but that the poop floated in several gallons of bath water, too. It’s revolting, really, and even though we’ve seen and read about a handful of examples on the blog before, I felt that a round-up was due in honor of Fright Fest. Plus, the subject sort of reminds me of the gross games people play in haunted houses (e.g. sticking your hand in a bowlful of “eyeballs” aka grapes). If there was a haunted house dedicated solely to parent overshare, there would definitely be some fake “bath poop” bobbing in an old clawfoot tub.

And with that horrifying image firmly set (ugh) in your minds, here are 6 examples of bath poop updates that never should’ve made it to Facebook:

1. It’s All In The Details

Aw, how sweet is this? Tobi essentially wrote an ode to her daughter! Even when that precious little angel has diarrhea in the bath and bites the [expletive!] out of her mother’s nipple, her mom still loves her. SO darling. I do find it funny, though, that Tobi is more hesitant to write the word “shit” on Facebook than she is to describe “Lulamonster’s” literal shit. I think they call that backward logic.

2. Discard Methods Pt. I

1. “Jace” and “Janessa” = someone’s been watching too much Duggars TV.

2. “gotta love them shitty moments :)”? I know many parents who’d beg to differ.

3. Fun Fact: Mommy never “has” to pick up human waste with her bare hands. That is fucking disgusting. You can pick up kid poop the same way you pick up dog poop - with a plastic bag. You just flush the poop sans bag, and it doesn’t require you to go “fishing” with your bare hands. Come on, people. 

I was thinking about Fright Fest earlier (coming up in a few weeks* on the blog!), and how one of the best (only?) good things to have come out of that month of crazy was the inspiration for the Tease & Reveal post format. I get a wonderfully sadistic kick out of making you readers ask yourselves whether you really want to see what’s behind Door Number 2 — and besides, surprises are always fun, even if there’s shit involved. Not especially when there’s shit involved, but I think we can all appreciate a good surprise, right? Even one that makes you whisper, “…the fuck?!?” out loud while slowly shaking your head? Great. So without wasting anymore time, let’s see what the folks in the above submission are talking about! 

But wait!

First drop that bagel/cookie/sandwich/pierogi you’re snacking on, and try to focus on happy thoughts…