This week over at Mommyish my column is about something I’ve discussed several times on the blog before: manhood. And by “manhood” I mean “parents who post about their kid’s junk.” What is it about our society that compels moms and dads to talk about their son’s genitalia? As this comic points out, it would sound pret-ty weird for parents to talk about their daughters in the same way, and yet penis chatter is markedly common.
Whether it’s a photograph, an unexpected incident or just a casual observation that prompts parents to update Facebook about their kid’s package, submissions are
popping up showing up in my inbox on the regular. So today I thought I’d unload (ew) some of those submissions for you guys and showcase even more examples of “manhood” topics that parents should just keep offline.
1. Hairy Balls
Ha ha ha. This is the kind of subject that really rides the line, because on the one hand (get it??) balls are funny, but on the other hand you’re talking about your six-month-old son’s pubes on Facebook. I’d give it a pass except, well, we’re talking about baby scrotum. And that’s just not right, even if it inspires some genuinely funny comments from your friends.
2. Penis Size
You know what K.? I was skeptical - but forgiving - of the first line of your status update. But the second one made me wince. It’s one thing for a guy to defend his penis size, but it’s quite another for his mom to defend his penis size. Bragging about your kid’s package on Facebook is a big no-no in my book, whether he’s hung like one “wooden block” or five. Seriously.
3. Medical Info
4. Baby Boners
Why is it that dads talk about their sons like this, and then talk about their daughters like this? I understand ‘dad pride’ but “stiffie”, really?? One minute parents are complaining about how pictures of naked kids on Facebook shouldn’t be viewed as “porn” because children are innocent, and then the next minute they’re referring to their three-week-old son’s boners as “stiffies.” Yuck.
Speaking of inappropriate pictures that disturbed individuals are looking for on Facebook, why would you ever consider posting something like this on the internet?!! Do you guys have any idea what you’re even looking at? It’s a picture of a bare-assed newborn with donkey balls hanging between his legs which are dangling over his shirtless father. YEAH.
6. Pre-Teen Embarrassment
Could I feel any worse for this kid? No, I couldn’t. That would be impossible.
Jessica should probably stop praying that it’s nothing serious and start praying her that son doesn’t die of embarrassment when he finds out she posted this online. You can’t see it here, but the look in his eyes says, “MOM GET ME OUT OF HERE WHY AM I WEARING THIS GOWN AND WHY ARE YOU TAKING PICTURES PLEASE HELP ME!” and could go down in STFUP history as one of the cruelest photos posted by a parent on Facebook. Poor kid. I sure hope his testicle problem got sorted out.
For more examples of boy junk overshare, head over to Mommyish! You’ll never think about turtles the same way again.
(submitted by Anonymous)