Back-To-School Round-Up

This week on Mommyish I tackle "back-to-school." For me, back-to-school is marked not only by incredibly annoying commercials on TV, but also by submissions that revolve around subjects like homework, teachers, mean bus drivers and - according to one of the submissions posted on Mommyish - hoochie mama backpacks. Ahhh, Fall! Let’s take a look at some of the different types of school-related submissions that have made their way into my inbox as a tribute to this special time of year:

1. Fancy Lockers

You know, Shelly making her daughter pay half is all well and good, but here’s the thing: She’s still spending $100 to decorate her kid’s locker, which is a little crazy, and I’m still unsure as to where Shelly’s daughter’s $50 is coming from. Considering it’s illegal in most states to work at the age of 10, I’m assuming the $50 is coming from an allowance, which means it’s not exactly her money. Not that that’s relevant or any of my business, but what 10-year-old has an extra $50 laying around to buy a chandelier for her locker? And what happened to just tacking up a $2 mirror, some photobooth photos and $5 worth of stickers from the mall?? The times they are a-changin’. 

2. School Picture Nazis

Did you guys not hear me the first time?? MY BABY IS HAVING PICTURES DONE TODAY; WHICH SIZE(S) DO YOU WANT? Good Lord, it’s like people need a freaking engraved invitation or something! Do they not understand how adorable these pictures are going to be? The “refrigerator potential” is QUITE high. Multiple copies and sizes are recommended. DUH.

3. Complaining About Teachers

Yeah, Lisa, you go girl! You speak the truth! Stupid teachers with their stupid credentials and certificates and degrees. What do they know?? “If they don’t have kids, they don’t know shit!” That’s my motto!

4. Sanctimommies

This is one of those instances where I wish the screen cap came with a video, because I have a feeling the scene in that check-out line was mighty entertaining. Now, don’t get me wrong, if some woman is holding a shrieking baby and needs to get the hell outta there, I’m usually happy to let her cut in line. But just because a person is a parent she gets to cut an hour-long line filled with patient students people who don’t want to be there any more than she does? NOPE. I don’t think so. 

5. Mom’s Gold Star

I’m not much of a fan of the types of updates that Audriana posted because they’re so predictable and fake. Every May, the stay-at-home mom friends in my newsfeed are like, “ZOMG only one more month until my babies get out of school and we get to spend all day together!!! SO EXCITED!” which turns into June when they post, “ZOMG my kids are getting on my last nerve, come on summer camp!! Hurry up and start!!” Then August comes around and they’re like, “Haha, moms, remember when all we wanted was to spend more time with our little rascals? What were we thinking? AMIRITE OR AMIRITE??? So ready for school!”

In my opinion, those updates get real old, real fast since so many people post the exact same thing. Which is why I love Melody for keepin’ it real. You can tell she really means what she’s saying. Her kids are about a week away from eating each other, and I believe that. So to end this scholastic round-up on a high note, I shall award Melody a Gold Star. Cheers to her for having a genuine sense of humor, and let’s hope her update sets a precedence for the upcoming school year. Moms, take note!

Don’t forget to head over to Mommyish for my column and plenty of additional back-to-school submissions. Don’t let that hoochie mama backpack down.

(submitted by Anonymous)

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