Christmas 2013: Inconsiderate Assholes Edition

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We already know how much some parents hate parking far from a store’s entrance, especially with the kid(s) in tow. But having to park farther than 3 feet from the door AND tolerate inconsiderate asshole drivers who park too close? Fuck. That. Noise.

Parents have STROLLERS. They have CAR SEAT CARRIERS. They have HUMAN CHILDREN, and guess what, Mr. and Mrs. Park-Too-Close-Inconsiderate-Assholes, Meghan doesn’t give a shit if Santa doesn’t bring her any gifts this year. She doesn’t want gifts; she wants revenge. And she’s more than happy to spread her own version of "yuletide cheer" all over your car door handles if that’s what the situation calls for.

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Haha haha haha WHUT? We are living in an age where it’s not only funny and so awesome to smear a dirty diaper on a stranger’s car door handles, but it’s also appropriate to brag about it on Facebook and expect a resounding chorus of “lol”s and “love it!”s in the comments. Seriously, guys, I’m not trying to get all doomsday in the final days of the year, but this is not a good sign for the future of the human race. Or the future of the automotive industry, for that matter, since apparently most cars are going to be covered in shit within a matter of years. Just imagine if you’d smeared a baby’s nasty diaper contents onto the door handles of every single car that’s ever parked too closely to yours. I’m talking about a major shit bonanza, and that’s not even including all the years that Hummers and Suburbans were popular (although technically those cars would qualify as my Top 2 shit-victims).

Do we as a people have a shred of common decency left, if not for our fellow parking lot neighbors, then for ourselves? Not to sound elitist, but if I ever wiped my proverbial baby’s shit all over someone else’s car’s door handles, it wouldn’t exactly register as a peak moment in my life. It’s almost as though Meghan translated the expression “Revenge is a dish best served cold,” to mean, “Throw poop at stuff in the wintertime!” Which… no. That’s what chimps do. Chimps and people who define karma as “Exerting maximum spitefulness upon individuals who mildly cramp your style at the mall.” Way to keep civilization moving forward, Meghan.

(submitted by Anonymous)

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