Momplishments

A couple of weeks ago, I posted a Mommyish column (that I never linked to here, because I suck) about how moms never get a break. As in, NEVAR. NEVHER. The word is going to become like the name Nevaeh, because it’s so overused it needs to be spelled backwards for emphasis. MOMS REVEN GET A BREAK.

In all seriousness, this is probably a true statement. But it’s not any truer a statement than someone “never catching a break” from paying bills, or working for a soulless corporation, or being responsible for a particularly unruly and high-maintenance pet ferret. We’re all doing something 24/7, right? Douchebags don’t take “time off” from being douchebags. Grandmas don’t take time off from being grandmas. Yappy dogs don’t look at their watches at 7pm and say, “I think that’s enough yapping for today.” Every creature roaming the earth has a duty of some kind, and yes, when you bring a drooling, pooping, and helpless human into the world, you are responsible for that human unless you want to go insane, go to jail, or take some other terrible path.

In other words, we are often reminded that motherhood is a nonstop job, because some moms can’t help but project their around-the-clock frustrations, but it can be hard to take those frustrations at face value. Millions of women share the role, and while it can be exhausting and at times perilous, on average it’s mostly like any other job that leaves you feeling stressed out and wishing you could move to Costa Rica and open a surf shop. I’m not saying I don’t sympathize with the plight of Facebook moms; I’m saying that my sympathy is laced with heavy sarcasm and amusement, but in a sincere way. Here’s an example of the type of exchange I’m talking about:

Haha, motherhood should totally come with academic degrees, because it requires the use of so many skills! Think about what an artform parenting is, with the constant juggling of everyday tasks, or what a master you have to be at like a millllllion things. Don’t even get these ladies started on how being a mother requires some PhD-level wisdom, because THAT is a subject they could discuss all damn day if there wasn’t so much laundry to be done. Just imagine doing all of these things at the same time:

  • Writing cards
  • Updating a packing list
  • Checking your email
  • Listening to the baby monitor
  • Typing on Facebook
  • Breathing

Suffice it to say, it’s A LOT! And I know that some of you parents out there are thinking, “OK, bitch, enough with the taunting, because this shit really is hard,” to which I reply with this soon-to-be famous adage:

I don’t know what it means, but I do think what Kate is saying is profoundly accurate. She must be the latest graduate of the PhD motherhood program, with a minor in Enthusiasm. Brava!

To read my column from last week about some woe is moms who never, and I mean reven, get a break, head over to Mommyish! And to read my column from this week, ‘In Which I Ponder If Privacy On Facebook Even Exists’, go right here

Related: Life Is Hard

(submitted by Anonymous)

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