Christmas ‘12 - Merry Crapmas

We already know that Christmas and poop are a match made in overshare heaven, but in spite of previous years, I still thought - rather foolishly - that all we got this Christmas was a stocking full of vomit and diarrhea. You know, nothing too specific. As it turns out, though, there were a couple of crapmas submissions waiting in the wings. Thankfully no photo submissions have made their way to my inbox (yet), so let’s just hold our noses and get this image-free shit out of the way, hm? 

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Two things:

1. For your next at-home celebration, try suggesting that everyone poops at the end of the party. According to parents, this is a great way to close out the night. Very exciting and it really brings people together. 

2. Why do some parents feel the need to spell out exactly what their children are and aren’t comfortable “doing” on the toilet/in their diapers/in their underwear? I honestly don’t need to know that Juju no longer poops her pants but still has a problem with urinating on herself. I see this all the time. “Braedyn loves tinkling in the potty, but he hasn’t gotten the hang of #2 yet. It can be pretty gross!” Yes, I believe it can. We all do. 

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Oh, goodness, Sarah, now THAT would’ve been funny! Ha ha ha. The only thing funnier than that is Devin’s comment, which reminds me of this. Hysterical. But, you know what would be the best? If parents just stopped talking about their children pooping and barfing into their bare hands. Don’t get me wrong; I understand that a little hand poop comes with the territory of being a parent, and if and when that time comes for me, I will obligingly offer up my freshly-washed hands in dutiful sacrifice. But that doesn’t mean that I will then wash my poop hands and type about the experience on Facebook. I assume my friends prefer Christmas Eve to smell of cinnamon and pine. Why stink it up with a poop hand at their expense?

(submitted by Anonymous)

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