Oh Tiffany, Katie’s not sleep deprived! She’s just got a case of the old Bieber Fever! The Beebs Feevs, as I call it. For young girls, this type of fever consists of fainting and/or mild nausea upon seeing Justin Bieber, whether in person or on TV, just like when the Beatles had special haircuts and made all the girls faint in 1963! But for older women, Bieber Fever represents something entirely different. It represents the inherent, God-given Canadian North American right to pimp out your child on YouTube in the hopes of raising the next mega-bajillionaire superstar.

Thankfully, most of Katie’s friends disagree with this logic. But you know who will probably get rich and famous off her young son anyway? The Kate-ster. Because this is America, the land of opportunity, and those who try hard enough to pimp out their children typically succeed, so long as their kids aren’t fugly. In reality, Katie’s onto something. And shit, her son is already named “Jonah,” which will appeal to both religious folks (a large audience) and Jonas Brothers fans (slightly larger audience) because the names sound so similar. Talk about genius.

(submitted by Anonymous)