Parents Who Bash Each Other Online

This week on Mommyish, I wrote about parents who talk trash about their partner/spouse/ex/”sperm donor” on Facebook. There are a lot of people who do this, and most of them fall somewhere on the crazy spectrum. However, that doesn’t mean I think they’re actually crazy. If you’ve ever been in a bad relationship (who hasn’t?!), and kids are involved (fortunately have not been there), then you know that there are approximately nine-thousand sides to every story. Maybe someone makes more money, or cheats, or doesn’t uphold his or her end of the bargain (like, being a parent). Or hey, maybe one of the parents is in jail. There’s an endless number of stories out there, and I’m not really judging the people who are in them. What I am judging is how some people communicate their stories (and subsequent feelings) to hundreds of friends and colleagues online. 

With great power comes great responsibility — but you wouldn’t know it by reading through the submissions in my “Spousal Bashing” folder. Mothers in particular are slinging tons of shit about their child(ren)’s father(s), and I’m assuming feeling pretty satisfied when they do. But that doesn’t mean it’s OK. Even if the dude “deserves” it, the kid doesn’t. And even if the kid can’t read, it’s still not cool to write nasty things about your child’s other parent so publicly. Like I said on Mommyish, *I* may not necessarily be “thinking of the children,” but someone probably should be.

Not to mention, what we do online reflects on our real lives, too. I wouldn’t want to be known by my friends as “the girl who’s always bitching about her ex on Facebook and calling his new girlfriend a skankasaurus.” I also imagine harried judges doing shots in their chambers before hearing custody cases these days, because some people just can’t keep quiet on Facebook when going through a court battle. Impulses override logic, and what winds up getting published probably makes about half a person’s friends feel awkward while the other half contributes to the drama. And then the couple’s lawyers get to argue over the idiotic status updates in 15-minute increments. 

computer fight smiley   

Let’s take a look at some bitter examples.

1. Parents Being Childish 

I didn’t know what “Charlie Brown” meant, but according to Urban Dictionary, it means “loser” and “a dance move in the Cha Cha Slide.” I think in Krystina’s case, it most accurately means “sad sack of shit.” And while I sympathize with her about that, I can’t endorse her third-person rant. I do like the “Stay gone” part, because it sounds like it came from the heart, but the rest of her update frightens me. Do you think after she wrote “MOMMYS GOT THIS” she hit herself on the chest three times and made some kind of salute? I’m sensing some aggressive underground mommy cult vibes. He probably should stay gone.

2. The F.U.C.K. Policy 

OMGawds, the welfare money. There should be A LAW! But there isn’t, because that would be illegal, so perhaps Patience should take a tip from her name and chill the F.U.C.K. out. Jonathan may never be a good dad, and Patience probably shouldn’t have gone half on a baby with him. (I know I said I wouldn’t judge, but she’s making a very convincing case.) I hope she figures out that she can’t appeal to the state of Pennsylvania via Facebook after she finishes lobbying for the F.U.C.K. Policy. 

3. Hard Lessons

The ellipses in Codye’s update sounds sort of dreamy, but in the criminal sense. Like she’s wistfully thinking, “…so he robs houses…and steals cars…and holds up gas stations…and occasionally prostitutes himself on Friday nights down on Washington Street.” Wherever the ellipses leads, at least her son has a great mommy. Someone to answer questions like, “Mommy, what’s methamphetamine”?” 

4. Husband-Wife “Banter” 

Well, thanks for the update, Heather. I was wondering where that goddamn remote control went. Now I can go properly dislodge it from Bob’s butt while you nap. :) 

PS: TMI with the rest of the story. Please invest in a large journal.

5. Sole Custody Story Hour

I am so, so glad that Tracey found the time (and space) to include that last little racist joke. I hadn’t figured out whether or not I liked her yet (because who didn’t read her million-word monologue and think, “I want to buy this woman dinner and talk for hours”?), but now that she’s proven to be both nauseatingly long-winded and racist, I find myself firmly in the “STFU, Tracey” camp. “Enough bitching,” indeed. Tracey sounds like a JOY. :-p lmao

6. Facebook Page Rants 

Normally I leave submissions alone if they originate on a “moms page” of some kind, but in this case, Jennifer pushed me right over the edge, just like her husband did to her. She. is. STRESSED!!!!!!!!!! And I hope she seeks therapy and gets some rest, because it sounds like a divorce would not be good for Jennifer’s Facebook habits. Stress and social media don’t go very well together.

backing out smiley

Don’t forget to read my column on Mommyish for more excellent/terrible examples of verbal smackdowns, including one about the aforementioned "sperm donor."

(submitted by Anonymous)

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