Election Day MEGA-Round-Up

Well, hot damn! I received so many submissions yesterday (after staying up too late watching speeches with a pretty bad head cold) that it took me quite a while to read through and narrow down the top picks. (Although, calling this post “narrowed down” would be absurdly inaccurate.) There were so many good examples of parents using Facebook to talk about their kids and the election, I hardly knew where to begin. But, I’ve finally gotten organized, and this is the first of three Election Day posts (despite the fact that the election was two days ago), this one being the longest by far. If you fall asleep, I will only take it as a compliment, because sleep is awesome, and I’m aware that this post is excessively long.

That said, I thought it would be nice to get a comprehensive look at several different types of parents who were represented on Facebook this election, so I’ve broken the submissions into categories. Let’s see who showed up to talk politics! And when you’re done reading this round-up, you can head over to Mommyish to read my Election Day “coverage” that went up there on Tuesday. (Lots to read, I know. This election almost killed us all.)

1. Haters 

Ugh, the nerve of campaign supporters, calling registered voters with absolutely NO regard for sleeping babies. That is so typical of volunteers. It’s like they expect to be thanked for donating their time to the political process, when in reality they should stop bugging people who have sleeping babies and no interest in talking! Nosy political people.

No, Mrs. V., you are not the only one who puts passive-aggressive notes on your door. You may, however, be the only person willing to peg her vote on whether campaigners come by and wake her dogs and baby. I can’t personally imagine saying, “Hey, campaigners, we share the same beliefs on civil rights, education, and taxes, but screw you for coming by and making for one very angry Mama! I’m voting for the OTHER GUY so HA! We’re all going to regret your decision to ring my doorbell today, aren’t we?!” But then again, voting can be very personal.

2. MommyJackers 

Ohhhh Debbie. Sweet, sweet Debbie. Angela’s talking about suffrage and you manage to talk about anything but. Of all the days people can’t pretend to care that you don’t want your little girl to grow up, I’m guessing Election Day is near the top. 

Hey, B.! While you’re up late, how ‘bout taking advantage of the occasion to look at more pictures of your cousin? That concession speech stuff you were talking about sounded heartfelt or whatever, but these pictures are adorable!! And how many people can say that they have a little cousin preparing for a showcase and competition?? NOT MANY!

You know who a lot of parents voted for yesterday? Their kids. :) 

3. Kid-Electing Narcissists 

I know this type is teeny tiny, but here’s a quick summary if you can’t read it: Pictures of “I Voted!” election stickers are super lame, and pictures of cute kids totally rock! Samantha’s casting her vote for cute kid photos, ‘cause she’s different. She’s not afraid to say, “Hey Facebook, I’m a proud mommy, and your obsession with this election can’t possibly trump my obsession with my cute kids!! So WATCH OUT!!! Cute kid photos ahead!!!!” She’s such a pioneer.

LUCY 4 PREZ. For one thing, Lucy has her muthafuckin’ BIRF CERTIFICATE! Amirite, racists?! And for another, she’s cute and honest. So there! Voting in a real election is dumb and pointless when you don’t like your choices, but voting for a little girl is as sweet as cherry pie! It’s as fun as a pony ride! If Lucy was President, everyone would wear glitter eye shadow, and chocolate cake would be the national food! Lol. Seriously though, pretending to vote for a little girl makes way more sense than actually voting like an adult.

4. Moms With Little Helpers

It’s pretty slick the way Janet used voting as a prime time to talk about her son. What a little cutie that Christian must be. Something tells me Janet’s friends already know alllll about it, though. I’m guessing Janet tells them every chance she gets. That amount of cuteness can’t be contained.

"Excuse me, Mr. Poll Watcher? I know you have to be 18 years of age to vote, but can my toddler vote?" 

5. Sanctimommies 

I’m choosing to pronounce this woman’s name as Ahn-dree-uh for being slightly full of herself, if good at inventing ways to excel. Anyone who thinks she deserves a pat on the head for voting early with two kids in tow and not spilling any goldfish crumbs probably also thinks she deserves an accolade for pumping her own gas

Another person automatically equals another vote! Too bad Heidi’s baby wasn’t born yet and couldn’t be properly accounted for. I’ve read that the chances a child will vote like his or her parents are around 80%. Could’ve made a difference!

Speaking of people who made a difference, there was some shaming happening yesterday when folks scolded their friends who hadn’t voted yet by subtly giving themselves props.

NO EXCUSES. You lazy bitches have approximately zero excuses. Amber survived meltdowns, tired arms, and patiently standing in a line, so everyone else can get off their flabby asses to vote, too! Stop eating Cheetos and drinking diet soda and VOTE!

These people are all heroes. I bet Katie didn’t even get a chance to drag a comb through her hair on Tuesday, but you know what she still managed to do? VOTE. You know what that makes her? AWESOME.

6. Woe Is Mom 

Something tells me Evie, Amelia, and all the other sticker-deprived children of this country lived. Especially since, as Elizabeth said, you can go to the dollar store and buy dozens of stickers for like fifty cents. They don’t all say “I Voted!,” but that can easily be remedied by hitting up the craft store to make your own. Craft stores are like Disneyland for kids, except 98% cheaper. "Morrigan" and Amanda should pick better things to complain about.

7. Mom’s Gold Star 

Finally, we’ve reached the end of the longest post ever. I wanted to end this on a positive note, especially considering that we ALL probably want a drink by now and can appreciate KB’s perspective. I do think teaching children how to mix drinks on election night sounds oddly patriotic. Congrats to KB (and to Sheila, really) on winning the Election Day Gold Star, and congrats to everyone else who read this whole post. It’s been a long run, but I felt that certain parents’ voices should be well-represented. Two more posts are coming up on this subject, and then hopefully we’ll never talk about it again. 

   

Don’t forget to read my column, '5 Parents Who Are Talking 2012 Election Time On Facebook', over on Mommyish!

(submitted by Anonymous)

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