Fright Fest has been a gruesome ride this year, but we are finally nearing the end of our journey. To celebrate, I’ve put together two over-the-top collections of scary birth pictures. One is here, which I’m kicking off with mi amigo above, and the other can be found over on Mommyish from earlier this week. Both are horrifying.
Before moving forward, I’d like you to consider closing your eyes and going to your “safe place” to mentally prepare for what lies ahead. This is sort of like that moment before you enter a haunted house when you’re like, “Okay, fuck it, I’m just going to hold my friend’s hand after all.” You can never be too cautious (or too drunk).
Nothing wrong with a little afterbirth goo. This is Daniel’s first photo taken - as in, first photo taken EVER - so why wouldn’t Edna share it with the world? Anyone who doesn’t like seeing beautiful newborn babies with placental expulsion on their faces should just delete Edna from their friends list right now!
Same goes for people who can’t handle swollen baby heads. If you think temporarily misshapen baby head pictures on Facebook are a little awkward to look at, especially when covered in blood, then you probably need to get your own head examined!
You hear that everyone? Aiden’s head is fine. The swelling went down within an hour or two of delivery. Duh! A. just posted this picture for shock value, so don’t even worry your pretty little normally-shaped heads about it. Some babies just come out a little differently than others.
Doctors and nurses hold babies upside down to get them to cry/breathe, but that doesn’t make this picture any less crazy-looking. Just because I know it’s a healthy human baby doesn’t mean my brain can stop picturing a butchery window in Bangkok. If I’m scrolling through Facebook, I’m not expecting to see a newborn covered in blood, but I’m definitely not expecting to see its balls where its head would normally be.
Speaking of heads in places they wouldn’t normally be in pictures on Facebook:
Modesty. CROPPED FOR MODESTY LOL :P
Ummm. We all know what we’re looking at here, right? This is the VISUAL ANTONYM of modesty. I’m sure that the full image was much more graphic, but we’re talking about Kristy knowingly posting her full-coochy birth on Facebook. Calling anything about that act “modest” is a real stretch, so to speak.
That said, I will never understand why people are typically so overly concerned about photos of vaginal births, and yet completely UNconcerned about photos of C-sections. Personally, I’d rather look at a whole calendar of Vagenas than this:
Holy stomach lining! Since when did checking out Facebook result in seeing your friend being cut open? This picture is not how I want to imagine my friends or their kids, and if I could erase the searing memory from my mind, I would. But since I can’t, I’m sharing it with you. On the plus side, there’s no GIF like last year, so we can at least be grateful for that.
Don’t forget to check out my column on Mommyish, appropriately titled ‘5 Birth Pictures That Will Frighten Your Facebook Friends.’ It’s a doozy.
(submitted by Anonymous)