Fright Fest ‘12 - Placenta Profile

So, at this point we’re nearly a week out from Halloween and reaching official “anything goes” territory. With a post like this one that has a few different layers, so to speak, you guys will be able to appreciate what “anything goes” can extend to mean (pun intended). For instance, looking at the above, you might be thinking anything from “Psshh, I’ve seen a placenta before, ” to, “Holy mother of organs, that thing is bloody!” And you’d be right about both, because while this placenta is particularly “fresh” and mushy, if you’re a regular reader (or a medical worker, or a placentaphile), you’re definitely no stranger to Old Red. (Or, in yuckier circumstances, Old Brown.) 

That being said, the above picture is a little deceiving. Unlike the placenta in this bowl (or in this one, or this one), today’s placenta submission is…special. Extra special.

That’s right, folks. What we’ve got here is the first ever partial lotus birth submission to plop on this blog! Cheers. I’d like to say that I have no idea if Crystal’s head was cut off by the photographer or by the submitter, but it wasn’t done by me. I don’t pull any "IKEAs" around here with regards to photo-chopping and 'shopping. Still, I’m sort of glad Crystal’s head was cut off in this picture, because it allows us to really get to the placenta heart of the matter. And now that we’ve seen what a loving photo of a mother, baby, and their temporary organ looks like, I feel okay about saying that if any of my friends ever posted a picture of their lotus birth on Facebook, I’d have to stare at puppies and rainbows for daysss just to wash away the memory goo.

But perhaps some of you think I’m overreacting and the placenta is a beautiful thing. It is the tree of life, after all, and I can respect that some people have an emotional (and physical!) attachment to placentas that others do not. For those of you who do feel that way, I have a gift


Crystal’s Placenta Prints! 

I’d like to welcome Crystal to the STFUP Placenta Art Club (meets on Tuesdays, glitter optional). This is a novice’s placenta art, if you guys don’t mind my saying so, but one could also argue that it’s been stripped down to its most basic elements which begets high marks in the Style and Purist categories. After all, we’re talking about a clean sheet of white paper, a bloody, dripping placenta, and that’s it. Just like our ancestors used to make before cooking up their placentas for dinner!

Seriously, though, if you read the right books, you’ll discover that women often made placenta prints on cave walls to ward off the evil spirits. Then they’d burn some sage, roll up a fat spliff, and listen to Desmond Dekker while baking up a placenta soufflé. Completely true. This desire to make birth art is ancient and primal. Just look at Ashley and Sandy who are still mourning the loss of their departed placentas and clawing to claim a print of their own. They didn’t even get to meet their placentas, much less bond and make art together. It’s almost as if Crystal is starting to brag, really. I hope she at least made a few extra copies so that Ashley and Sandy can each (finally) hang an original piece of placenta art in their homes. 

Ahh, of course Crystal has copies. That woman thinks of everything.

(submitted by Anonymous)

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