Several things came to mind as I read this submission. When I read, “I think of it like anal…….it’s a No Go!”“, I thought of this enlightening 2004 sex survey with famous rappers. When I read, “Any woman who’s had a natural childbirth should get a Purple Heart,” I thought about full coochy birth. And when I read, “Destroy my belly tattoo I don’t give a fuck,” I thought about this.
But all of that stuff aside, Stormie’s rant is straight up crazy. I’ve never heard a woman more stoked about her elective C-section, or more charged up about the idea of a “wrecked vagina.” By declaring her lady business “off limits,” Stormie strikes a tone often heard in the feminist movement, except that her version of empowerment and the right to choose comes in the form of a Facebook update about not wanting stitches in her “Butthole region.” (I like the way she capitalizes it, like it’s a recognized municipal district.) Also, when she says, “I want Memphis’s first encounter with a vagina to not be with mine,” I get the feeling she’s going to tell an adolescent Memphis that she did him some sort of huge favor (at which point he will probably be very confused, possibly even more confused than I am right now).
I won’t get into my feelings on the whole thing, except to say that Stormie’s thoughts have nearly inspired me to pen a women’s magazine story telling ladies not to insult their vagina or call it nasty names. “No matter what your relationship is with your vagina,” I might write, “show it the respect it deserves, and tell it that it’s pretty every single day.” It’s like Stormie’s turning me into a goddamn hippie. The more she talks about getting "Dr. Frankensteined up," the more ashamed I feel to be a woman of a certain generation. Yes, childbirth can be kinda gross, but don’t talk about it like an idiot on Facebook.
(submitted by Anonymous)