Allow Me To Introduce You To Brenda

I recently received a perplexing series of submissions regarding an angry and confused Facebook user named Brenda. Brenda is pissed off because a bunch of posts from a lingerie company “keep appearing” in her newsfeed, which is deeply disturbing to her because she has kids, and those kids are exposed to Facebook through their mom. (Duh!)

Except, the thing that Brenda doesn’t understand is, she can control and filter her own newsfeed, and those posts are appearing because she voluntarily “liked” the lingerie company’s page at some point in the past. For a Facebook mom with young children, Brenda sure has a lot of catching up to do on the technology front. You’d think she would have some semblance of understanding as to how the site works, seeing as she’s a regular user, but based on all of her remarkably obtuse updates below, I’d be impressed if Brenda has managed to put on pants today. I’d be even more impressed if they weren’t held together by velcro.

Our story begins with an assault of semi-polite, semi-insane warnings, as well as a mysterious (but appreciated!) shout out to Beyonce

Brenda literally has no idea what to do with herself. This technology shit is TOO DAMN HARD. People keep posting all kinds of naughty on her Face, and Beyonce isn’t helping, and NO ONE IS LISTENING and all Brenda is saying is that she has KIDS HERE and no way of taking all the naughty OFFFFFFFFF her page. But she definitely wants to. And she’s GOING TO, just as soon as she figures out how.

In the meantime… there’s this:

Why does Brenda have to put this on Nancy’s page when all Nancy wants to do is hereing about the Lord? :-( And why does the lingerie company have to post this absolute filth on Brenda’s page which is so CLEARLLY disrespectful to her and her small children? Pictures of women in corsets, thongs, and black lace? Ew. Talk about some SLUTTY, WHOREY STREET WALKERS. Just look at those dolled-up models! They’re obviouslly payed to be hookers, further proving Brenda’s point that this kind of LACEY SMUT should not be posted on her page by a lingerie company or by anyone else! WHY WON’T ANYONE LISTEN TO HER?

Um, hey Mariea? ZIP IT. Brenda doesn’t need a “lesson” in how “FACE BOOK” works, OK? She just needs the slutty lingerie company to stop posting trash on her wall!!! THAT’S IT. No respect, BRENDA GETS NO RESPECT. Her threats go unanswered, her newsfeed is saturated in disgusting pictures of half-naked women which is NOT what the Lord had in mind, and Brenda can’t catch a break. When will the lingerie company answer her prayers and end this charade once and for all?

Tim is a man of many talents, and one of those talents is figuring out how to relate to dolts like Brenda. That doesn’t mean I think she’s going to heed his advice, nor do I think she’s capable of understanding it, but at least now Brenda has been properly notified of her idiocy by a trained professional who, I’m assuming, works with mentally impaired donkeys for a living. Her ass has been put on blast, as it were. And really, that’s the best thing anyone can hope for in this situation. The rest is left entirely up to her.

(submitted by Anonymous) 

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