A few months back, I was sent a giant folder of submissions about someone described to me as “father of the year.” Full of nonstop wisdom and helpful parenting tips, “J.” is one heck of a dad. He’s sweet but firm, reasonable but occasionally insane, and above all he really loves his kids. He’s like a walking book of parenting idioms, sharing his indispensable advice on Facebook about the struggles and wonders of being a dad.
J. means well, even if he is long-winded, imperfect at spelling, and overreaching. Reading his updates is like reading Shit My Dad Says…For Goobers, and today I’m sharing some of his thoughts with you. Perhaps you’d like to print them out on little cards and laminate them to keep in your wallet? At the very least, you’ll want to stick them on the fridge. These status updates and suggestions are both special and timeless.
1. Light a Candle
Why not climb a treehouse and teach your kids about the mighty oak? Why not buy them extra-long jump ropes and give the gift of double dutch? Why not eat raw cookie dough and explain that while it can make a person sick, it is extremely delicious and worth the risk? Just enjoy these simple things with your kids, people.
2. Positive Reinforcement
Shhh. I’m whispering on Facebook right now. Tomorrow, be very quiet and sneak into your kids’ rooms and
softley softly say, “Hello, kids. It is me, your dad, and it is a new day and you are great. I am so proud of you and it is now time to wake up. Love, your number one fan. Your Dad.”
3. Offer Guidance
Being a parent is very important because it is a big responsibility it is more important than punctuation more important than grammar more important than spelling and more important than breathing practically but not entirely because if you could not breathe you could not be a loving parent and show love to your kids. Show kids effection and provide them with an embraceful environment and good things will happen trust me on this I know it to be true in my heart and in my life because life is family and this is how I know.
4. Try Something Old School
Your kids look to you for lessons in life and it is your job to provide them with these lessons. Going to church and then a great lunch will help them build a foundation that they will appreciate for years to come, and calling friends and relatives will show them that no one is forgotten, except for Aunt Shirley because she drinks too much, and for Great Uncle Mike because he is a dirt bag for committing tax evasion and then lying about it. Other than those two it is important for kids to remember who their family and friends are and how much they love them.
5. Time Is Precious
Don’t waist these nice days because time is never on our side and it flies bye to quickly. Never skwander the time you have with your kids because you can never get these nice days back.
6. Teach The Classics
This week just for a change consider teaching your kids famous lines from famous plays like Shakspear’s plays like Hamlet and Romeo and Juliet. Teach them to watch old black and white television shows because it is important to know about original works of art and to instill the values from these things.
“What’s in a name? That which we call a rose by any other name would smell as sweet.”
“To be, or not to be: that is the question.”
“Gee, Wally, that’s swell.”
These are a few of the lessons you will teach your kids through early exposure to the classics.
7. Create Memories
Make great memories and you will have great laughs. Talk a lot and teach your children that it is always okay to type out how you feel on the internet no matter who is willing or unwilling to take the time to read it. Tell them that family and friends will always be there for them even if they speak in run-on sentences or post boring drivel on Facebook because that is what family and friends are for. Super Bowl Sunday is about more than just the Super Bowl and life is like a box of chocolates. Have a great day and J. will be back with more life lessons and parenting tips in the morning.
(submitted by Anonymous)