I understand that when people say "the joys of
mootherhood motherhood” they’re being sarcastic, but I wish that just once that sarcasm wasn’t the result of baby diarrhea. Once you’ve heard one “joys of motherhood / diarrhea joke,” you’ve heard them all. Except this time, a CPA was involved. Which brings me to my next point: Why not start a reality show about parenting called “The Joys of Motherhood” and capture all of these incidents on camera for the public’s entertainment? How hysterical would that be? It’d be like Candid Camera, where you put a parent with a child who’s on the verge of a diaper explosion in an otherwise “normal” situation, like in an accountant’s office, an adult toy shop, or at a screening of The Hunger Games, and then film the reaction of the surrounding people after the child "stinks up the room." Comedy gold! And then, right after it happens, the mother looks at the hidden camera and goes, “THE JOYS OF MOTHERHOOD!!!” Funny, right? This idea has legs, believe me.
But enough about my awesome ideas. Let’s talk about taxes. Has ne one ever filed taxes when they were on unemployment for a yr? Desirae has some questions.
I’ll say upfront that I’ve personally been on unemployment after losing a job, and I harbor no judgment toward those who are forced to live on it after getting laid off. HOWEVER, if Desirae thinks she’s getting money BACK from the government after filing just because she has two children, she’s been poorly misinformed (unless that refund comes in the form of two twenty dollar bills). This whole thread sounds like a Yahoo! Answers page gone wrong to me. “Hehehe once u got dem babbies iz all about da money! Cha chinnnggg!” Girl, no. Even if you think something like that, don’t go on record saying it on the internet. Use ur smarts. Be a responsible citizen. Don’t broadcast your idiocy.
Oh! But speaking of Yahoo! Answers, check out what someone sent me the other day:
Regular readers will instantly recognize this woman as the mother featured in this classic post. For anyone who’s ever wondered what happened with Vadgesty Foxi Maiden and her twin sister Vagena Tamphen Pohtaytar, well, today your prayers have been answered. It’s times like these that the internet seems so big, and yet so small. We’re all connected in this crazy, mixed-up world, aren’t we? You, me, and Vadgesty and Vagena, bless their poorly-named dozens-of-months-old hearts. At least their mother finally recognized that their names might not be as yooniquely amazing as she once thought (although the question mark in her post title suggests that she still kinda loves them). Click here to read all the responses. My favorite says, “People can be incredibly crude, cruel and judgemental. But with a name like Vagena, I can see why.”
(submitted by Anonymous)
PS: The Vagena/Vadgesty post is the stuff of urban legends — I realize that. I do. But, just to prove that the world is full of legitimately crazy shit, and so everyone knows why I want to believe in Vagena and Vadgesty’s existence with all of my heart, here is the original submission email text, from October 12, 2009:
"Where to start?! This is a girl I went to school with. She friend requested me on Facebook, and out of curiosity I decided to add her. Big mistake. Big, huge mistake.
Through her obsessively-frequent status updates I quickly learnt she had twin daughters. I decided to look at her photo albums when I came across this touching family moment (attached)! I couldn’t be more sorry for accepting a friend request in my life! I’m not sure if I’m more shocked at the graphic pictures she insists on sharing with the world, or the horrific names these poor bastards (literally) have been landed with!
Twin girls: Vadgesty Foxi Maiden and Vagena Tamphen Pohtaytar.
But it gets better (worse)
Want to know the creepiest thing? The very attentive and interested gent in the picture isn’t her husband/partner/whatever, it’s her brother.
I’ll leave it up to you how you wish to adorn and decorate her mooseknuckle. I can’t decide whether to keep her on my friends list so I can submit content to your lovely site on a regular basis or get the fuck out asap.”
So there you have it, folks. Believe in the lore or don’t. Just know that, as far as I’m aware, Vagena and Vadgesty’s mom is an Australian woman who has a particularly close relationship with her brother (at least in the OR). And yes, the original submission came to me unedited. Just sayin.’ Sometimes
insanity magic is real.
Related: A previous Yahoo! question