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Sanctimommy: Vacation Edition
FYI to all the mothers out there: You are not, under any circumstances, allowed to go on vacation without your children, ever. Do not even imagine yourself in a location more than 20 miles away from your child - or God forbid go somewhere without your husband - because you will be shunned by the Mothers Of The World Who Actually Care About Their Children (or, MOTWWACATC). You will be gossiped about, disinvited to the important MOTWWACATC tri-monthly meetings in the Sam’s Club parking lot, and generally looked down upon by all the SELFLESS mothers who cannot fathom sipping a margarita on the beach without their children.
I mean really. It’s disgusting, all of this “modern” behavior exhibited by women who clearly shouldn’t have been blessed with kids. Who do these “mommies” who make terrible vacation choices think they are, anyway? Gloria Steinem? Destiny’s Child? I am woman, hear me roar?? “Independent Women”?! Um, excuse me, Little Miss Thing, you are a M-O-T-H-E-R now! Your hand has been dealt! From the moment you gave birth, you were supposed to ignore all outside interests and endeavors toward self-fulfillment so that you could be there for every BLINK of your child’s life. Did you not get the post-labor manual? It says, and I quote, in section 4.2, chapter 9 in paragraph 11: “Banish thine own self from frivolous vacations spent apart from family, for thy children will not forgive thee, and thy husband will have good reason to divorce thee.” It’s stated in plain English!
And besides, who would want to go out of town without her children?! Some kind of insane monster, that’s who. An unloving and unacceptable creature of despair. Nothing beats a vacation with your children — NOTHING!!! So don’t even consider one, you heartless beast. Vacations without your kids can wait a mere 18 years. Hellooo, it’s called sacrifice.
Related: Don’t Let Working Moms Fool You
(submitted by Anonymous)