Remember when I said that I wasn’t sure when I’d be “ready” to start posting disgusting submissions again? Well, after today’s car seat ‘n’ Target shenanigans, I’m officially ready. GAME ON, Y’ALL. Let’s cleanse the system (otherwise known as my inbox) of some smelly, liquid-y and most definitely gag-inducing submissions! YAY! 

We’ll begin with the above, which is representational of what I consider to be a "soft" (::shudder::) post on the Barf-O-Meter scale. It’s rank, to be sure, but on the Barf-O-Meter this bad boy only places at around a 6.5 (with a .5 added for the inclusion of socks). This is the kind of submission that makes me queasy, but, like a shot of Jäger, is only as bad as I make it out to be. I can read it, file it and move on, or I can dwell on phrases like "letting it out everywhere" and subsequently deal with the nausea that follows. Because I received this submission a while ago, I was thankfully able to do the former — until I got this similarly-disgusting-but-wayyy-wayyyy-worse submission earlier today:

I said it on Twitter, but I’ll say it again: Rule #1 for parents on Facebook should be to NEVER post about your baby’s dirty diaper and use the word “cheesecloth.” EVEN IF IT’S AN ACCURATE DESCRIPTION. Do not aim for accuracy!!! Especially since you’re likely to cause your already-sick friend Jennifer to feel sicker than she did before. (Everyone else will have the honor of feeling sick for the first time upon reading about “Poopocalypse 2012.”) And don’t even get me started on the, “Be thankful I didn’t upload photos!” comment. We’ve heard similar quips on the blog far too many times from far too many parents to suffer through that line of bullshit.

Besides, like Jennifer said, no photo is necessary in order to get a pretty good visual after reading about the “onesie cheesecloth and” the “juices” and the “various cellulose materials.” UGH. But speaking of visuals that will make you think twice about peanut butter forever:

1. “Jobey.”

2.  ”ignore this, just trying to show my mommy group hahah.”????????? Who could ignore this?????? Which brings me to my third point,

3. Underneath that “NO” sign is a dripping, bare, and very much in focus baby’s ass. WHAT. THE HELL. Since when was it a good idea to post pictures like this to any mommy group anywhere? Take your {literal} shit to a forum, JOBEY, and quit feeding your baby “chalky stuff” that results in a pudding-like explosion. On the Barf-O-Meter scale, this registers at a liquid solid 9 for me (camera angle, consistency, lack of dignity). I haven’t shaken the image for weeks. And thus I knew, it had to be posted. 

I hope you’re as excited about the return of gross submissions as I am. worried

Related: The Foods That Parents Ruin

(submitted by Anonymous)

Related Posts Plugin