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Christmas ‘11

The winter is officially here, and cold and flu season is in full swing. My inbox is stuffed with snot submissions (REALLY GROSS ONES, by the way) and Woe Is Mom complaints, and yes, I did receive one submission that said, “My poor baby woke up with a fever and isn’t feeling well. Thinking today might be a good Santa pic day!” with absolutely no irony.

But let’s be real. It’s ridiculous to think that a few kids aren’t going to be sick, or recovering from being sick, in the Santa line at the mall. That’s just how the Santa line works. Any place that has a ton of kids in it - a school, a ball pit, a Santa line, or a frat house - is likely going to be full of germs, and it takes a real ass to point fingers and declare that “So-and-so got my baby sick!!” every time your kid catches a cold. Somebody call the waaaambulance; some terrible child coughed in Owen’s face! And his mother did nothing!!!! 

I’m actually weirded out by the notion that Hilary would potentially track this woman down to bark at her about some unproven theory. Elizabeth is crazy for even suggesting that. And besides, if I had to take a guess at who’s carrying the most sick germs in a Santa line, my bet would be on Santa himself. If Hilary wants to flip out on someone, maybe she should redirect her anger at the fat guy wearing a red suit whose job it is to grant kids’ wishes for eight hours a day. I’m sure that’d go over well.

(submitted by Anonymous)