Merry Crapmas

For whatever reason, every Christmas I receive several submissions that connect the holidays with poop (metaphorically speaking). Thankfully this year none of those submissions involve photographic evidence of the poop, but still the connection cannot be denied. After receiving my fourth holiday/poop submission, I figured I may as well group them together and post a Christmas Craptacular. Especially since the last one I got was this one:

Yeah, like I’m going to hold onto a submission that mentions “Santa” and “solid stool” in the same sentence. Hey everyone, in case you’re wondering how to firm up your kid’s poop this Christmas, the BRAT diet works wonders. Just ask Melissa and this kid:

This picture would be funnier if it hadn’t been posted on Facebook. And it was posted on January 3rd of this year, too. Not even on Christmas! That ain’t right. If you’re going to make a joke about Santa using the toilet with a picture of your kid on his potty seat, at least make it timely.

Miranda may think she’s ‘extream’ (!), but I say she’s commonplace. Trite. Banal. I have evidence! Plus, who’s gonna believe her if she didn’t post said pictures on Facebook? Pics or it didn’t happen, Miranda. A “baby book”? What the hell is that? Something that existed in some other century?! Nice try!

Seriously, though, why doo do Christmas and poop go hand-in-hand? It’s one of the Great Mysteries in life. Or at least, in my life. If any of you has any ideas (and I’m not talking 'lumps of coal' jokes), please illuminate me. Did it all start with Mr. Hankey? Is it an old Germanic tradition? These are the questions that keep up at night.

Merry Christmas, indeed.

Getting flushed down the potty smiley

(submitted by Anonymous)

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