Half-Birthdays Are The New Black

The half-birthday has gotten so popular in recent years that it’s practically become a legitimate day of celebration. Now, when a kid announces, “It’s my half-birthday today!”, you’re supposed to say, “Well, happy birthday to you!!”, and when a friend sends you an invitation to attend a party for her one-and-a-half-year-old, you’re supposed to bring a gift and act as excited as you did at his other birthday party six months ago.

I don’t know why we first world folks have such a fascination with birthdays and half-birthdays (something about the ME, ME, ME-ness of it all, perhaps?!), but outlandish celebrations for kids on their actual birthdays have already proven to be bad enough. Please don’t try to make me take half-birthdays seriously, too. I’m not capable of it.

If giving a shout-out to your baby’s half-birthday on Facebook qualifies as great parenting, we (or at least Danielle) have set the barrier too low.

What’s even weirder is when parents put more emphasis on their kid’s half-birthday because their actual birthday falls during a “bad time,” like winter. I didn’t even know this was a common thing to do until I read this:

"That’s why I was so happy to have a summer baby." I guess winter babies are the new gingers? Tara even “skipped March” (whatever that means!) this go-round so she could avoid the ever-unfortunate December/January baby. Oh, what tortured lives those winter babies lead! Celebrating their birthdays indoors like common winter folk, sacrificing pool parties and pony rides and bounce houses for arts and crafts or musical chairs.

Just think how it must feel for all the winter babies who get invited to summer babies’ birthday parties. It must be devastating, which is why parents have started teaching their kids to say, “Screw it, I was born in December, but I celebrate my birthday in June or July with a pool party in my backyard like a civilized human being, thank you very much!” 

I do understand wanting to utilize your pool in the summer and everything, but why not just have a pool party and invite some kids over to swim and eat popsicles? Why does there have to be a celebration with cake and gifts and Tara’s child as the center of attention? Can’t we just accept and embrace the days we were born, so we’re not all scheduling our birthday celebrations (or our kid’s birthday celebrations) for the same four months of summer? Is that too much to ask?

(submitted by Anonymous)

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