Fright Fest 2011: Mom’s Gold Star Edition
We’ve all heard that Halloween is the Devil’s Christmas, but now we know WHY. Halloween is for the Devil with a Capital D because it’s ANTI-Jesus. As a (non-practicing) Jew, I feel like now I finally get why so many people hate the popular holiday. Bless these women for doing God’s work and leading me from the darkness into the light so I can SEE!
For the longest time I thought people hated Halloween because it involves eating candy for two weeks straight and experimenting with face paint that may or may not cause your skin to break out, but now I understand it’s because the day was actually created by the Devil to spite Jesus! The Devil was all, “Hmm, how can I really piss off Jesus? I’ve already Rick Roll’d him and sprayed shaving cream in his gym sneakers and…AH! I KNOW! I’ll campaign to start a holiday that supports spooky, creepy, evil stuff (like me!) and inspires people to dress up and eat chocolate and decorate their homes with ghoulish spider webbing! AND JESUS. WILL. LOSE! HAHAHAHA!!!!! You’re going down skinny man!!!”
It all makes sense now. But, there’s one thing I don’t understand. Why does T. say, “Just a few more days and happy Christmas stuff will be out!!” when everyone knows that Christmas stuff has already been out for a month? As far as K-Mart is concerned, the two holidays can intermingle! Who knew that could be considered “progressive” or controversial? I thought it was a consumerist marketing tactic! Silly me.
I’m just glad there are people like S. who aren’t afraid to frighten their disapproving friends with an unapologetic love of Halloween. To me, publicly disagreeing with these ladies on Facebook is FAR scarier than any haunted house or horror movie, so congrats S. for taking home this week’s Gold Star! Bonus points for bringing your comment around to leftover turkey and mashed potatoes. That was a delicious stroke of genius.
(submitted by Anonymous)