Fright Fest 2011: Freaky Tattoos Edition

To commemorate the month of frightfully weird and/or disgusting submissions thus far, I wanted to post this charming tattoo story. You see, last month I received the submission above and knew immediately that I wanted to save it for Fright Fest. A pus-y, infected, poorly-rendered portrait tattoo of a baby’s face obviously fit the bill, not to mention all the little details that make this submission so wonderful: The fact that part of the infected skin looks like hair. The fact that Shelly hasn’t already determined that this thing is larvae bait. The fact that her friends are all urging her to see a doctor while Shelly seemingly continues to scratch her head (and her scabs) and ask, “But does it look infected infected, or just like, kind of infected?” Plus, the expression on that baby’s face looks like a cross between Al Capone and Grover Cleveland (minus the mustache). All in all, I was sold.

But then just a few days later, I received this from the same submitter:

Hm, WOW. This took me from halfway interested to fully invested in Shelly’s tattoo blueprint. Only four short days after asking everyone about that red, scabby baby face, Shelly went right back for more! She had plans, see, and no temporary infection was going to interfere with them! Like an impassioned architect, Shelly had mapped out her son’s tattoo legacy on her back, and its construction/evolution would not be deterred by some insignificant pus or notable lack in artistic merit. So what if the shading is off and Ethan looks like a different ethnicity? Who cares if his eyes don’t match? Clearly it came out exactly as Shelly wanted it, and that’s all that counts.

Suffice it to say, I could hardly wait to see the finished body of work. After several more (excruciating!) days, you can imagine my elation upon receiving this: 

The final masterpiece. Ethan, in all shapes and sizes. It’s like a deranged tattoo of the Little Rascals. I have to say, and I mean this sincerely, that the portrait on the right is seriously crazy. The awkward perspective of the baseball cap in relation to the choppy top of the kid’s head in combination with those mismatched eyes would be scary as a loose leaf drawing tacked on the fridge. But as a tattoo, it’s terrifying.

The permanence of this collage - with its striking inconsistencies and strange layout and pronounced foreheads - is a little mind-blowing. These are truly some tattoos of some faces that only a mother could love. I have to wonder who’s responsible for this ink-strocity, and whether he or she mentored under someone in prison, but I guess ultimately all that matters is that Shelly is happy. And judging by the fact that the rest of Ethan’s faces don’t look like they’ve had a series of chemical peels, I’d say she got just what she wanted. This is the stuff nightmares dreams are made of!

Related: Bugaboo Bee and The Lowest Forms of Art

(submitted by Anonymous)

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