Christmas ‘13: Xmas Day Round-Up

Happy New Year, everyone! The rest of this week is dedicated to holiday posts, and then next week we can truly begin ANEW. First up: more Christmas. We’ve seen the pre-Christmas submissions, and now it’s time to talk about some Christmas DAY submissions. All of that other stuff was just leading up to THIS stuff! Or something. Okay, this post is really more of a generic Christmas Round-Up, Part II, but most of these updates were posted on Christmas Day. Let’s take a moment to review another cross-section of merry social media delights and celebrate the (end of the) season:


1. Adoorable Christmas Baby


Jennifer has an all-access backstage VIP pass to her accessively cute baby, and on a holiday like Christmas, who could ask for anything more? It’s like words loose all meaning when a kid is as accessively cute as DJ is. ♥ 

2. Best Christmas Present #1


Vanessa got a positive home pregnancy test for Christmas! And not just one of those pregnancy tests that was purchased off of Craigslist — this is a real one with HER pee on it. Totally worth sharing on Instagram. That’s what Instagram is for. I just wonder if Vanessa took video of the pregnancy test, too? I mean since Instagram has the option to film, why ;wouldn’t she record a short mini-doc of the stick doing its thang with the pee on it? Chemical reactions’n shit. Then everyone could witness the precise moment that Vanessa saw the plus sign. :) Living in the moment means sharing in the moment, all the time, with everyone, forever!! #merryxmaseveryone #xmasmomentsofInstagram

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Christmas ‘13: A Narrative Poem


How charming is this satire of "A Visit From St. Nicholas," written by an adorable dad named Noah? His daughter’s festive barf not only inspired rhymes like “PJ’s / holidays” and “Christmas Eve / dry heave,” but it inspired a little barf photography, as well. No poem about vomit is complete without a picture. Sure, part of what makes poetry great is that it’s visually evocative by design, and most of the time no image is necessary. But when a clever guy like Noah takes the time to pair a finely-crafted (and FUNNY) puke poem with an aerial puke picture, it’s like all of a sudden you can’t imagine experiencing one without the other. He knew just what his puke poem needed: a smattering of his kid’s chunky Mac and Cheese barf. ‘Twas the final flourish.

Now, if only parents like Noah and Melinda would stop intentionally misspelling their kids’ first names to be different. “Brooklynn”? Because it’s a combination of the city “Brooklyn” and the name “Lynn”? How does Noah expect his friends to read his metred verses of barf poetry in good humor when he gave his daughter a name like “Brooklynn”? Unless, of course, he and Melinda gave Brooklynn her name as a nod to Mary J. Blige’s alter ego, at which point I apologize and offer my sincere respect.

Related: The Sink vs. The Toilet

(submitted by Anonymous)

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Christmas ‘13: Xmas Eve Round-Up

The lead-up to Christmas is almost as much a cause for celebration as the big day itself. People begin casting “Christmas” and “Santa” as central characters in their Facebook updates as early as mid-November, and by the end of December, you better believe they’re keeping the holidays top-of-mind when they’re posting online (with or without an Elf on the Shelf obsession). Let’s check out some of the ways Christmas made an appearance in this year’s pre-December 25th submissions:

1. Mid-Labor Wish List


One of the best things about the myth of Santa is the way Santa’s got everything covered. Anything you want, Santa’s got. A particular toy, a gold watch, perhaps a mid-labor epidural — they’re all within Santa’s reach. Naturally, it makes sense for Lisa to take a minute out from laboring to make her request formally known on Facebook. Back in the day, a pregnant woman had to hand-write letters to Santa weeks in advance to request an epidural, but in 2013 she can just send a quick status update using her cell phone from a hospital bed. Technology + Santa makes epidural wishes come true. 

2. Holiday Grandmajacking


Okay, here’s the thing: It’s great when grandparents are excited about their grandkids, especially when a new baby is going to be born “any day!” However, I can’t count the number of times I’ve seen this exact type of grandmajacking, and honestly, enough is enough. We get it, Lorie, you’ve been blessed with four grandchildren and can’t help sharing your excitement. But, how about waiting until the little guy has actually arrived to start grandmajacking everyone you know? “A tactful grandmajacker must exercise patience.” That’s an old Chinese proverb.

UPDATE! This submission has since come in:

Give it a rest, grandmas. 

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