I held off posting this for as long as I could, but here we are. The moment of placenta truth. I think the thing that’s both fascinating and horrifying about placenta posts is that, much like snowflakes, all placentas appear to be a little different. This is a fun fact that I’ve come to understand only through voluntary eyeball torture (aka going through submissions), and it’s something I want to, er, emphasize in today’s post. Placentas can take on so many forms and colors! They’re the “chameleon” of organs! Sort of. And yet, despite their individual differences, they all equally disgust me. Funny how that works.
I’m not saying that I don’t have my favorites or anything. I dole out awards from time to time. Remember the ugliest placenta I’d ever seen? Or the placenta we’ve all affectionately come to know as Seal’s Meat? And who could forget mommy’s first placenta shake, which looked and apparently tasted “like heaven”? Each of these posts has touched me — and all of us — in ways we never could have predicted. I’ve dropped snacks on my lap. I’ve winced and shuddered (wuddered? shinced?) at the same time. And now it’s time for me to introduce you guys to six more unforgettable placentas in their various “spotlights.” It’s their time to shine!
1. Dehydrating Placenta
Mmmm, slip another piece of placenta on the barbie! Yum yum yum. And I love the way Pamela politely introduces Hettie to her placenta. “Hettie, this is my placenta & 34 inch cord. I’ve already told them both all about you. :-)”
2. Frozen Waste Placenta
Ha ha ha, you know what’s more fun than playing in the ocean? Dropping bio-hazardous waste into the ocean! Okay, technically the ocean has plenty of crazy shit in it, from sunken ships and dead bodies to chemical dumps and oil spills, but really, was that the best place for Melissa to deposit her placenta? And was it necessary to tell everyone about it on Facebook? Now I’ll never be able to bodyboard without imagining Melissa and her bucket o’ blood.