February 2012
8 posts
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Woe Is Mom
This submission had me at “Being psychic.” There’s a certain adolescent satisfaction one gets from saying, “What am I, psychic?!!!” that must have inspired Rachel’s phrasing, and it makes her sound all the more ridiculous. I’m surprised she didn’t write her rant in the third person. That’s the only thing missing from this Tale Of...
This week on Mommyish, I tackle The Great Breastfeeding Photo Debate on Facebook. It’s a lively, controversial and never-ending debate that finally broke me after I received upwards of three-hundred million emails about the nurse-ins planned or staged to take place this week (on Monday or Tuesday) outside of Facebook offices around the world. I also received this Boobie Beanie an equal...
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First Target got in big trouble (with one person) by creating an ad in which a carseat strap was demonstrated ENTIRELY wrong, and now this. I swear, I’ll be surprised if Target is even in business this time next year if they keep up this insanity. I mean, the carseat thing was a HUGE deal since advertising is seen by thousands of people, and thousands of people are idiots soo, Target =...
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MommyJacking: Cancer V. Preeclampsia Edition
According to the submitter, “Deana is single, a teacher, probably about 30 and has been battling skin cancer for the past year.” According to me, in light of hearing/confirming this, I really think Sara and Shannon owe Deana an apology. I don’t mean to get all “sensitive blogger” about it, but skin cancer is serious...
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The Super Bowl Happened...
…and because I was out drinking a cold one with friends like a REAL goddamn American, I didn’t post about it before the game. But I did receive a couple of submissions related to it in case anyone still cares. For those who do - particularly those who enjoy watching the game and kicking back with friends to eat delicious foods like Frito pie - please do read on.
Granted, at least...
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Mom’s Gold Star
I haven’t gotten much into the topic of all the stuff kids can’t eat at school these days, but for the record I’m one of those “nostalgic (almost) thirty-somethings” who think it’s a bunch of crap. It seems the “banned” list grows each year, and I can hardly keep track of what’s permitted anymore. As far as I know, this...
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Cold & Flu Season Updates Are Making Me Sick
This week on Mommyish, I switch up the usual content for a rant that’s near and dear to my…stomach. Ever since mid-December, I’ve been getting submissions related to illness, and with illness comes some pretty disgusting stuff. A few have made me downright queasy, particularly when they involve vivid descriptions, photos of what can only be deemed as Viscous Horror (a personal...
January 2012
28 posts
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Once again, ladies and gents, Valentine’s Day is inching closer and closer (terrible pun intended), so I’ve been going through my “love nest” of related submissions in preparation for the big day week. I’ve received soooo many applicable submissions this year, and well, some of them need to be posted in advance of the actual holiday. Much like Malina, I can’t...
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ShameJacking
I came up with the term “shamejacking” the other day when I was reading this submission because all I could think was, “Is she going to start harping on about how, if Michael was a woman, he’d know what it’s like to have menstrual cramps?” I don’t understand the obsession some people (mostly women) have with shaming other people (some of...
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Mom’s Gold Star
I received several funny Gold Star submissions this week, but this one made me laugh the most. Maybe that makes me a terrible person, or just a terribly boring person (?), but it did. And so it shall win the coveted Gold Star. Simplicity gets me every time, especially at the end of a busy week.
Forget about reading too much into it, or taking offense to the fact that this...
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Tease & Reveal - Preg Edition
I don’t really understand who these people are or where they come from*, but they’re out there in full force, walking among us, raising the children of tomorrow. This much I know.
Y. seems to be having some back problems, possibly related to pregnancy, but also not related to pregnancy at all. I mean, really, what do her friends know? Maybe Y. got a sore back from carrying...
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This week on Mommyish, I wrote about 3 Baby Shower Dos and Don’ts on Facebook. There’s one ‘note’ submission that’s so insanely long and boring, you might just want to tuck yourself in before reading it as a bedtime story. Head over now and enjoy the tips, one of which is “Don’t serve a creepy cake.” The cake you see above isn’t very creepy,...
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Grrr!! Silly President Obama doesn’t want mommies to get any sleep!!! He could have made mommy sleep a priority, but he didn’t. He could have said, “You know what, nation? I was going to take a few moments to talk about green energy and then move into this whole boring bit about the deficit, but what I’m going to do instead is focus on the thing that matters most to ALL...
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I try to stay away from the “Holy shit, check out this terrible parenting!” cheap ‘n easy posts, but damn, Karina. You honestly posted this photo on Facebook with a “lol” and then your friends “liked” it? Letting the kid squirt ketchup all over the table would have been a more economical choice for the restaurant. If you’re going to let your kid...
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Cleveland, We Have a Problem.
The other day after Target-gate went down, a reader asked me to go to the Greater Cleveland Aquarium Facebook page to read the public’s outcry to the Aquarium’s temporary ban on strollers. You see, Cleveland has just opened the doors to a new aquarium in an effort to revitalize the downtown area. It’s big and cost a lot of money, but it sounds like a lot of people in Cleveland...
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Why I Hate Chain Letter Updates
This week for my Mommyish column I wrote about the submissions I hate receiving the most: chain letter updates. When I say “hate receiving” I don’t mean I’m ungrateful to the submitters; I mean it’s infuriating to see how many people are lazy and annoying enough to post disingenuous copy/paste updates about topics ranging from “REAL parents” to...
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Strike Against Censorship
This submission is a reminder that people are stupid - very stupid - and the PROTECT IP Act and SOPA bill that could pass here in the U.S. - limiting internet user rights and free speech - would affect many of us in ways that are completely unforeseen. Especially for parents like Justin and Cassandra, who can’t possibly imagine how difficult it would be to exploit their daughter in a...
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Remember when I said that I wasn’t sure when I’d be “ready” to start posting disgusting submissions again? Well, after today’s car seat ‘n’ Target shenanigans, I’m officially ready. GAME ON, Y’ALL. Let’s cleanse the system (otherwise known as my inbox) of some smelly, liquid-y and most definitely gag-inducing submissions! YAY!
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Moms and Disabilities
This week’s column on Mommyish is sort of a sister column (or maybe a cousin column) to last week’s article about moms and “old people.” Except instead of moms bitching about how old people ruin everything, they’re complaining about needing special treatment and/or wanting pregnancy and motherhood to be treated as a disability. The article was inspired by an article...
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What's The Deal With Old People?!
Sanctimommy: Their Learning! Edition
Not all but MOST old people should back the F up. Why? Well, it’s simple, really: Elderly people are grumpy old assholes who think that when they leave the house no one else should be in any of the places they go! Not dogs, not moms, and certainly not children because children are so goddamn loud. Have kids today never heard of hearing aids? Do they...
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Woe Is Mom: NYE Edition
Ah, New Year’s Eve. It’s a lot like the Fourth of July. People celebrate by making noise later into the evening than usual and some parents get very upset like it isn’t just happening for a single night. Around the Fourth, I can sort of understand this attitude because some people do treat the holiday like a weeklong excuse to make as much noise as...
December 2011
38 posts
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2011 End-of-Year Listicle // Year-in-Review
Here she is, everyone. My “baby.” For the third year running, I’ve compiled a list of the funniest, grossest and most confusing posts of the year. And oh, what a year it was. 2011 was so packed with wonders and delights that the “Year-in-Review” portion is triple the crazy of last year’s, with a...
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Tease & Reveal - Snot Edition
Remember when I referenced the snot submissions I’ve been receiving now that cold & flu season is at its peak? Well, after nearly three years, I can say with 100% assuredness that this is the most disgusting snot submission I’ve ever received (and that includes the post that likened boogers to cream cheese and the post with the snot dangling in the breeze.) This submission is so...
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Merry Crapmas
For whatever reason, every Christmas I receive several submissions that connect the holidays with poop (metaphorically speaking). Thankfully this year none of those submissions involve photographic evidence of the poop, but still the connection cannot be denied. After receiving my fourth holiday/poop submission, I figured I may as well group them together and post a Christmas Craptacular....
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Christmas With The Fetuses!
Merry Christmas from babies! Unborn babies who have technically been born since these sonograms were posted on Facebook last year.
Speaking as a person who enjoys decorating things like this with clip art, I’m not totally confused as to why someone would want to “doll up” their fetus for Christmas. It’s a special time! And Picnik has so many Christmas icons and options!...
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The 2011 Gift Guide
From late November straight through the month of December, the internet is saturated with gift guides. Everyone has a gift guide. “Gifts for your boss!” “Great gifts for that relative you can’t stand!” “Top 25 gifts for your neurotic pet squirrel!” So this year I figured, hey, why not create my own? I get tons of submissions that have gift potential! Like...
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Holiday Countdown: Day 5 - Adventures With The Elf...
A few weeks ago, I received my first Elf on the Shelf submission. Having no idea WTF that was, I did a cursory search to find out the absolute minimum amount of information I needed to know about this small wooden toy in order to get through the holidays on the blog. It’s not that I have a problem with small wooden toys, or elves, or anything Christmas-related so much as I have a hard time...
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For The Record, Washing Your Baby In a Public...
Last Friday I posted a submission about a woman who was astonished and perturbed that strangers didn’t help her as she struggled to wash/clean up her poop-covered child in a Walmart sink. There were multiple layers to that post - if I had to count I could probably come up with like 30 - but the overarching point I wanted to make was this: It’s not okay to bathe your child in the sink...