January 2012
25 posts
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Tease & Reveal - Preg Edition
I don’t really understand who these people are or where they come from*, but they’re out there in full force, walking among us, raising the children of tomorrow. This much I know.
Y. seems to be having some back problems, possibly related to pregnancy, but also not related to pregnancy at all. I mean, really, what do her friends know? Maybe Y. got a sore back from carrying...
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This week on Mommyish, I wrote about 3 Baby Shower Dos and Don’ts on Facebook. There’s one ‘note’ submission that’s so insanely long and boring, you might just want to tuck yourself in before reading it as a bedtime story. Head over now and enjoy the tips, one of which is “Don’t serve a creepy cake.” The cake you see above isn’t very creepy,...
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Grrr!! Silly President Obama doesn’t want mommies to get any sleep!!! He could have made mommy sleep a priority, but he didn’t. He could have said, “You know what, nation? I was going to take a few moments to talk about green energy and then move into this whole boring bit about the deficit, but what I’m going to do instead is focus on the thing that matters most to ALL...
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I try to stay away from the “Holy shit, check out this terrible parenting!” cheap ‘n easy posts, but damn, Karina. You honestly posted this photo on Facebook with a “lol” and then your friends “liked” it? Letting the kid squirt ketchup all over the table would have been a more economical choice for the restaurant. If you’re going to let your kid...
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Cleveland, We Have a Problem.
The other day after Target-gate went down, a reader asked me to go to the Greater Cleveland Aquarium Facebook page to read the public’s outcry to the Aquarium’s temporary ban on strollers. You see, Cleveland has just opened the doors to a new aquarium in an effort to revitalize the downtown area. It’s big and cost a lot of money, but it sounds like a lot of people in Cleveland...
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Why I Hate Chain Letter Updates
This week for my Mommyish column I wrote about the submissions I hate receiving the most: chain letter updates. When I say “hate receiving” I don’t mean I’m ungrateful to the submitters; I mean it’s infuriating to see how many people are lazy and annoying enough to post disingenuous copy/paste updates about topics ranging from “REAL parents” to...
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Strike Against Censorship
This submission is a reminder that people are stupid - very stupid - and the PROTECT IP Act and SOPA bill that could pass here in the U.S. - limiting internet user rights and free speech - would affect many of us in ways that are completely unforeseen. Especially for parents like Justin and Cassandra, who can’t possibly imagine how difficult it would be to exploit their daughter in a...
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Remember when I said that I wasn’t sure when I’d be “ready” to start posting disgusting submissions again? Well, after today’s car seat ‘n’ Target shenanigans, I’m officially ready. GAME ON, Y’ALL. Let’s cleanse the system (otherwise known as my inbox) of some smelly, liquid-y and most definitely gag-inducing submissions! YAY!
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Moms and Disabilities
This week’s column on Mommyish is sort of a sister column (or maybe a cousin column) to last week’s article about moms and “old people.” Except instead of moms bitching about how old people ruin everything, they’re complaining about needing special treatment and/or wanting pregnancy and motherhood to be treated as a disability. The article was inspired by an article...
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What's The Deal With Old People?!
Sanctimommy: Their Learning! Edition
Not all but MOST old people should back the F up. Why? Well, it’s simple, really: Elderly people are grumpy old assholes who think that when they leave the house no one else should be in any of the places they go! Not dogs, not moms, and certainly not children because children are so goddamn loud. Have kids today never heard of hearing aids? Do they...
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Woe Is Mom: NYE Edition
Ah, New Year’s Eve. It’s a lot like the Fourth of July. People celebrate by making noise later into the evening than usual and some parents get very upset like it isn’t just happening for a single night. Around the Fourth, I can sort of understand this attitude because some people do treat the holiday like a weeklong excuse to make as much noise as...
December 2011
38 posts
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2011 End-of-Year Listicle // Year-in-Review
Here she is, everyone. My “baby.” For the third year running, I’ve compiled a list of the funniest, grossest and most confusing posts of the year. And oh, what a year it was. 2011 was so packed with wonders and delights that the “Year-in-Review” portion is triple the crazy of last year’s, with a...
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Tease & Reveal - Snot Edition
Remember when I referenced the snot submissions I’ve been receiving now that cold & flu season is at its peak? Well, after nearly three years, I can say with 100% assuredness that this is the most disgusting snot submission I’ve ever received (and that includes the post that likened boogers to cream cheese and the post with the snot dangling in the breeze.) This submission is so...
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Merry Crapmas
For whatever reason, every Christmas I receive several submissions that connect the holidays with poop (metaphorically speaking). Thankfully this year none of those submissions involve photographic evidence of the poop, but still the connection cannot be denied. After receiving my fourth holiday/poop submission, I figured I may as well group them together and post a Christmas Craptacular....
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Christmas With The Fetuses!
Merry Christmas from babies! Unborn babies who have technically been born since these sonograms were posted on Facebook last year.
Speaking as a person who enjoys decorating things like this with clip art, I’m not totally confused as to why someone would want to “doll up” their fetus for Christmas. It’s a special time! And Picnik has so many Christmas icons and options!...
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The 2011 Gift Guide
From late November straight through the month of December, the internet is saturated with gift guides. Everyone has a gift guide. “Gifts for your boss!” “Great gifts for that relative you can’t stand!” “Top 25 gifts for your neurotic pet squirrel!” So this year I figured, hey, why not create my own? I get tons of submissions that have gift potential! Like...
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Holiday Countdown: Day 5 - Adventures With The Elf...
A few weeks ago, I received my first Elf on the Shelf submission. Having no idea WTF that was, I did a cursory search to find out the absolute minimum amount of information I needed to know about this small wooden toy in order to get through the holidays on the blog. It’s not that I have a problem with small wooden toys, or elves, or anything Christmas-related so much as I have a hard time...
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For The Record, Washing Your Baby In a Public...
Last Friday I posted a submission about a woman who was astonished and perturbed that strangers didn’t help her as she struggled to wash/clean up her poop-covered child in a Walmart sink. There were multiple layers to that post - if I had to count I could probably come up with like 30 - but the overarching point I wanted to make was this: It’s not okay to bathe your child in the sink...
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A Few Thoughts On Hanukkah
Holiday Countdown - Day 6: CHRISTMAS Hanukkah Edition
If I’m being honest, I have to admit that as a non-practicing-but-bat-mitzvah’ed-Jew-from-the-South, I take offense to any stupid chain status that’s ALL ABOUT CHRISTMAS BEING THE BEST THING IN THE WHOLE FREAKIN’ WORLD. But I especially take offense when that chain status includes an incorrect spelling of the word...
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Woe Is Mom: Selfish People Edition
OK, so let me get this straight: If I’m shopping at Walmart, a retail destination that should be renamed Hell On Earth-Mart, and I take a break from my Christmas shopping to use the facilities there, where I basically assume that everything I’m touching is already covered in “America’s bacteria,” I’m supposed to notice a...
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People Talking To Themselves
The “trend” (if you can call it that) of parents talking to themselves on Facebook has been well-documented on this blog. It all started when my brain exploded with this post. I was like, “Wow, people do this? But that’s….crazy.” Then we met the mom who publicly scolded herself, the mom who discussed baking cookies with her three-month-old, and the mom mommie...
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Twelve Days of Christmas: Holiday Countdown!
Holiday Countdown: Day 12 11
Technically Christmastide begins on Christmas Day and ends on January 5th, but I was raised Jewish so what do I know? I’ve always assumed the Twelve Days of Christmas were the twelve days leading up to Christmas, and because that’s what Walmart commercials have led me to believe, I’m just going to run with that concept. Beginning today, which...
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